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I had taken my 87 year old mother to Kaiser for a reoccurring UTI. She was in for 9 days and discharged with a foley catheter, "hoping" she would feel better peeing at home, rather than at the hospital. A Kaiser nurse was to follow up to make an appt to take the catheter out. They never did. I had to follow up with them and found out, they never send the referral in to get a nurse out to the house. I then noticed there were sores all over her body, large bruises on her arm and did nothing for her previously fractured arm but send her home with a brace. Within those 9 days, I had opened 2 grievances (which also includes unsanitary conditions and a personal belongings bag with biohazard medication bags, tubes and syringes, that I sat on and got poked, thinking it was her personal belongings. I have yet to hear back, after following up with them twice!) because I assumed she wasn't being repositioned every 2 hours, nor was my request for physical therapy granted. She was also discharged with hospital delirium, which happens all the time, and goes away after a few days of being home, so I didn't think anything of it. Over the next week, she didn't seem to get better. I nursed her wounds with Neosporin and didn't seem to work and only got worse. She was lethargic and hard to sponge bathe her, but I did the best I could. I tried my best to reposition her, but she is heavier than I could manage and hurt myself a few times. When I was able to reposition her, she would just go back to her side and has this habit of rubbing her legs together when she sleeps and been prone to chronic wounds, which is listed in her medical records. When I realized I couldn't handle her anymore and she wasn't getting any better, I called the paramedics to take her back to the hospital. It's been a week (she's still in the hospital) and APS just came to the house. They also left a voicemail asking for my mom since my number is listed as her contact number. I'm assuming she wants to talk to my mom about her well being, which my mom (and friends and family) knows I take good care of her. But because she's in the hospital, she's unable to return APS's phone call.



There is only so much I can do and I have nothing to hide, but I'm scared they think this is all my fault. It also doesn't look good that my brother financially abused her for 2 years, and that's when I became her sole caregiver because of the now estrangement between us and him. I am also deathly afraid APS will somehow get in contact with him and things will get even worse, even though he's not listed on any of her contact information. When she was admitted this last time, I fought tooth and nail not to send her back to Kaiser LAMC where all this happened and I expressed to anyone who I would talk too, that I can no longer take care of her at this moment, and would like for her to go to a rehab/skilled nursing home upon discharge for her physical and occupational rehab and until we're both at a good place for her to come home. All previous medical records (and email messages to her doctor) show she's been taken well care of and no cause for concern. I am single and have been under physician's care for my mental health and am scared for what is to come. As you can imagine the anxiety is at an all time high and am ready to shut back down.



How do I protect myself? Do I call APS back and be proactive? Do I shrug it off and leave it alone? Do I get in contact with an attorney? Will I or my house be investigated? What will happen to me? Do I need to be worried? What's the worst that can happen?



Thanks in advance!

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Hi, I have some experience with this. Check out my story in bio. Can we chat privately?? You have allot of hope. You’re doing great. We don’t live in the same state but I’ve taught myself allot about elder laws recently. I’m about to call APS on my own father to stop a nightmare from happening. Even if it means him hating me. Let’s talk.
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NeedHelpWithMom Mar 22, 2024
This post is from December 2023.
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Alva is right when she said that mom's care if more than you...1 person...can handle at home.
Be honest with any answers but do not volunteer more information than is asked.

If you need help looking for a place that can care for mom at the level of care that she needs ask.
If you need to begin the application process for Medicaid start that as soon as possible.

Caring for someone is difficult and to realize that it is more than you can manage alone is difficult to process.
You did not fail, her care is more than you can manage at home.
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It sounds as though you cannot any longer safely care for your mother at home. You have basically admitted here that it is more than you can do single handedly to reposition her. With her current pressure sores that will be crucial. Your Mom likely needs a safe placement now for now and perhaps for the future. She may even require hospitalization and SNF placement for a while to heal wounds. Wound healing is now a specialty.

Were I you I would tell the APS all you told us. Also ask them to read the grievances that you filed with Kaiser and their lack of getting back to you. Be honest with them as you are here with us, that you are currently unable to manage repositioning of your Mom, and are very worried her sores aren't healing.

Just open your home willingly and answer all the questions. Tell them all you have told us. If they suggest placement tell them you cannot do this on your own and their help, or the help of social workers in doing this.
Try not to worry. You are trying, but the fact your mom currently has non-healing pressure sores can mean sepsis and death for her, so this is crucial.

I hope you will follow up with us after the visit and let them know how it goes.
Again, be honest. Welcome their visit. Let them know you are trying and you are overwhelmed. They will be open to helping you and to trying to help you do what is best for the safety of your Mom. The more cooperative and welcoming you are the more likely this is to go well for you.

So sorry you are going through this, but I think you know that you need more help now. My best out to you.
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