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I have had some suggest that BIL may have some phyciatric going on. He has had several phyciatric evaluations and the doctors have never suggested anything different than MC. Never behavioral care.
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Swise02 Dec 2019
My dad has been the most mentally sound person I have ever known until Alzheimers and placed in memory care. I have since watched my dad that can barely speak be interrogated by police and treated like a crazy person restrained tackled down and injected etc. These are memories that haunt me because in every situation that my dad has acted out it was more of self defense because his perception is off and was not medicated properly. I feel like I have ptsd from watching him be treated like an animal at times. It’s weird how they want to put “mental illness” on them when really for my dad it is just Alzheimers. On his last paramedic transfer sheet I saw that they had dementia and schizophrenia listed as his diagnosis. I alerted every single person caring for my dad and told them I had no idea where the schizophrenia came from he had never been diagnosed with that!
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Swise02 I am so sorry about the way your dad has been treated. It makes me furious.

Oh my goodness. Your dad's situation and my BIL is almost exactly the same. He too has alz. and I saw where they try to put szh on his paperwork and my husband said he was never diagnosed with that.

You are exactly right. They do try to create a monster out of them and try to claim they have mental illness when they can not get meds to regulate the behaviors.

You are on point. I have been telling my husband all along that I feel like my BIL is only trying to defend himself not having true perception. Yet, they want to call my husband so angry and act like he is some animal. They are supposed to be loving and caring yet they dump him in a hospital and leave them there. What is wrong with these people?

If I could, I would snatch him out of their so fast and he would never go back in a facility. They do not care. Society will throw a label on you so fast that you can scrub off. Pure ridiculous. Once again, I am so sorry what you and your dad has been through.

Oh, I forgot to mention. My BIL was like your dad. Before alz took over, he was like a genious, extremely smart and reserved. Thanks dear for replying.
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Swiseo2 I sent you a private message.
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Kansas? What is in Kansas?
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Hailey

My final thoughts as I would like to try and help you but I continue to be left scratching my head with your responses every time someone tries to explain how things work

- if you are in the US, you or hubs need a HIPPA release or medical POA to discuss BIL with health care providers

- please stop expecting others - the facilities - to solve the problem

I get no one wants to get involved but it takes great effort to make anything better in this situation - I know this first hand - my mother's dementia has turned her into someone I didn't know and I fought for her in order not to have her memory care facility send her out on a psych hold - how did I fight ?

I control her care - I take her to outside doctors including a neurologist and discuss med options and research the options -
this takes time and effort which you and hubs are not likely to have but the alternative is her facility would rather use their house doctor and suggest meds that will cause her to sleep all day -
there are few options for dementia with aggressive behavior

it does not matter that BIL used to be a good decent person - he now has a disease which manifests in psychosis - his brain is broken and no amount of sweet talk from staff is going to fix it or suddenly make him cooperative

we all agree that the situation is awful, care is lacking and resources are limited but if you are able please spend a bit of time today to write down three things you can do on Monday to help move the situation forward

I would guess that a lot of BIL's problems are a lack of consistent medical providers - is he bounced from facility to facility without a doctor knowing him and constantly having his meds changed ?

I'll offer up a start
- contact psych hospital social worker and ask what is protocol for diagnosis and follow up care plan and who will be providing that care - does BIL need a referral to psychiatrist or internist and will this care provider work with him in a facility ?
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worriedinCali Dec 2019
MsMadge this has been going on since at least 2016. Her BIL has been kicked out numerous facilities and moved multiple times. There isn’t any advice that hasn’t already been given. Her BIL cannot sign a POA or HIPAA release, he’s been declared incompetent and according to a previous thread has a guardian. All the questions OP has asked.....she has asked multiple times on multiple posts. The questions she’s been asked and hasn’t answered? Have been asked before and were never answered.
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Swise02 You make the most sense to me. People can say so much but the truth is, unless they have walked in our shoes, they have no idea.

I am sticking to what you said. Thanks for you help.
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The Nurse at in the phyc hold told me that the administrator could not refuse to let him go back to the facility unless she wants to get fined a $10,000.00 fee Nurse said that is his home and she can not just throw him out without a 30 day notice.

At least the administrator at the other facility had enough sense to know she could not just drop him off to the hospital. She thought she could discharge him to my husband in 30 days. After I picked up the phone and made a phone call, that story changed right quick.
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Hailey, when I placed my father with vascular dementia and paranoid personality disorder into a locked MC I was _very_ honest with the director about my father's aggressive personality, verbal abuse, and occasional violent behavior when he didn't get his way or someone tried to get him to do something he didn't want to do. Dad was prescribed anti-depression and anti-anxiety medications (as well as meds for other physical conditions) he didn't want take as directed so medication management was a big concern. I chose to pay for an "transition" plan where he had extra attention and a weekly assessment for his first six weeks. I shared with the staff the things I thought my father would like: the porch rocker, 24/7 kitchen and pretty nurses since Dad was always much more cooperative with doctor office and in home care staff. The director and I agreed to be as flexible as possible and not push my father to do anything he resisted unless it was absolutely necessary. So Dad stayed in his room pouting for much of the first month. Once Dad was settled in the MC and taking his medication as prescribed, there were never any major problems; however, every time he went to the hospital and returned to the MC, we paid for additional "transitional" help for a few days to a week.

During the transitions, I asked the DON to contact me every day or so (phone call or email) at _her_ convenience to let me know how Dad was doing and if there was anything I needed to do for Dad. One of the benefits of the extra transitional care was a daily report was written and the DON forwarded those to me.

I didn't try to tell the MC how to operate. When there were issues I asked what our options were. We always found something we thought would work out better, sometimes those ideas worked and sometimes we had to try again. When the plan wasn't followed as agreed, I asked about my misunderstanding of the action plan instead of starting with a confrontation. I completely understand your frustration and anger and the desire to confront the people who haven't met your expectations, but you really do need to remember "you can catch more flies with sugar than vinegar". Please try to stop being so critical of the MC, it's staff, and it's actions and try to find some way to work _with_ the MC, maybe especially when something is messed up. Often there no way to "unspill" the milk but sometimes people really appreciate someone who helps them clean up the mess without first bringing undue attention to their fault in the spill. "I don't understand how..." is often a good conversation starter.

Ask what conditions the MC would need met to reinstate BIL. Read his contract and be ready to use ask about any conflict resolution or eviction language you feel would be helpful to BIL's case, but be nice.
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haileybug Dec 2019
TNtechie Thank you so much for the good advice. Sounds like you did a great job keeping things going well with transitions and have DON keeping you updated.

I am not trying to blame the staff or facility. All I am trying to say is ..... Why did the staff and administrator keep telling my husband and I everything was going well if it was not? Maybe if they had been honest with my husband he could have offer advice on handling the situation. That is not what happened though.

Once again, I appreciate you advice. By the way, I already have a geatric case manager involved, so hopefully they can steer things in the right direction.
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Tell Social Worker you are unable to take him home & they must find a place for him...or else keep him at hospital. Hugs 🤗
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worriedinCali Dec 2019
No need for that. The OP can’t take him home. He won’t be sent home. He’s been institutionalized for a few years.
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worriedincali You need to hush. I am tired of you coming on my post running your mouth about something you know nothing about.

Not once, have you ever tried to offer some type of encouragement. All you ever got to say is …. What I can not do. Did I not already prove you wrong when you kept jumping on here saying I had no authority so I could not get him moved closer to home but I did.

Are you so bitter is all you can do is try to offer lost hope?

Furthermore, you have absolutely no compassion for no one. And to come on my profile and send me a private message calling me a TROLL ……. You need to troll on.
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Swise02 Dec 2019
I sent you a pm
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worriedinCali YOU are not telling the TRUTH. I NEVER messaged YOU. So go ahead and post you know I have no reason to. You are a troublemaker and you talk about things you know nothing about.

If you are going to post anything about my BIL you need to get your FACTS straight. He does NOT have a GUARDIAN.

You seem to have a BIG problem with me going on with this for such a LONG time. (3-4 years) You don't understand it do you? Let me break it down for you. I am a F I G H T E R when it comes to something like this. Since you COMPLAIN so much about me going through this for so long, what do you think I should do GIVE UP? Obviously so, you called me a TROLL.
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Glad I got answers this morning. Good to know everything is going to be fine.
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