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While I commend you for wanting to do this, are you thinking of the long term effects?
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Bgul913 Feb 2019
Thank you for responding Llamalover47. Yes, I have thought long and hard of the long term effects.
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I don't think people doubt that your dad can do things for himself now, The concern is for the future -5 to 10 years down the road. With uncontrolled diabetes he may well develop other diseases, including dementia, that require more and more care. Meanwhile you are not developing a life of your own as would be normal for someone your age, but having more and more demands on you due to your father's health issues. Many here are experiencing the stress of the demands of care giving a senior as their diseases and dependency progress.

My concern is that you are not being fair to yourself. There may be some benefit to you, in the short term, to live with your father and reduce your expenses, as well as helping someone you care for, But, in the long term you may find it is taking too much of your life. Now you can work. Likely, eventually, he will need 24/7 care. What then? You still need an income and the benefits that go with it.
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Bgul913 Feb 2019
Thank you golden23 for your responce. So what you are saying is that later on in 5-10 years my father may get worse ie. dementia and that while I have started my career, then my father may need 24-7 care, what will I do then? I think that when I start my career and grow in life, I will know what would be the best thing for my father.
But, I would be glad that I was able to spend that amount of time with my father.
Please remember, I lived in CT where my father lives in FL. I would hardly never see him esp. when I start my career.
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Bgul, now that I have finished my meal of humble pie ... or rather foot-in-mouth with gravy... I would like to rejoin the discussion, if I may. I don't know the laws in your state (or any state, for that matter!) in regard to your question so I can't speak in regard to that ... your question being, can the landlord override the doctor's request for your dad to have a care giver... but I did want to do what everyone else here seems to be doing, and weigh in on another matter, which is, SHOULD you dedicate your life, at this age, to caring for your Dad?
The general, though gentle consensus seems to be that no, you shouldn't. Well, first of all please let me say that it is not my call, nor anybody's, as to what you should or shouldn't do with your life. You're an adult and fully qualified to make your own decisions and live with the consequences. Having said that, however, I would like to say that I find your dedication to your father both admirable and commendable, and I think he is beyond blessed to have a son like you. You and he must have an amazing relationship, for you to want to commit yourself to his care in this way, and for that you are both indeed fortunate.
I have no doubt that you will follow your heart in doing what you feel is right by your Dad, and count not the cost. It is my prayer that all obstacles may be removed and you may get about the process of caring for your Dad in a quick and timely manner if you have not already done so. God bless you both!
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Bgul913 Feb 2019
Thank you DesertGrl53. Right now, my father only needs help with light housekeeping and grocery shopping.
There is nothing in my way of starting my life here.
Some time in the long future, I hope, he may start to need help. And at that time, if I need assisants, I can get it then.
But for now, he cooks, cleans, does the laundry, bathes himself and gets dressed by himself.
I want to get involved with his doctors, medications and what they are for etc. before he really needs help and I have to start from scratch.
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Bgul -thank you for the clarification. I gather you have not sent much time with your father recently.

2 concerns

1) A pattern we see here is people who take on care giving a parent they have been distant from, and with whom they now hope to finally establish a good and close relationship. In the greatest number of instances it doesn't work. There are reasons why parent and child are not close and those reasons still exist and make forming a close relationship extremely difficult at this stage.

2) the stress/effort of care giving increase in an insidious way, so that c/gs find them selves overwhelmed and not knowing how to better,the situation and. the senior resists changes which leads to conflict. You say you will know what will be the best thing for your father and I am not doubting that. But he may not agree with you. At the same time will you know what is best for you? Just some things to think about.

That being said, I wish you and your father all the best in the coming years. He is very fortunate to have a son who cares so much for him.
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Bgul913 Feb 2019
Thank you golden23. I am and always have been very close with my father. My father only moved to Florida four years ago this month. So, I'm not looking to create a relationship with my father, but quit the contrary, extend my relationship with him.

You are very correct about the stress issue. And at some point in time, I may need help. At that point I can get assistance through his health insurance company.
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Bgul913: Good luck to you then! Prayers sent.
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Bgul913 Feb 2019
Thank you Llamalover47
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I was in the same situation when I first moved in with my Aunt. They had to have a letter from the Doctor stating she needed someone to stay with her. I was not yet 55 years old.

The park's main concern is that you not having wild parties on the premises and disturbing the other residents.
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Bgul913 Feb 2019
Thanks Homesick. I don't have sllep overs or wild parties. I am very respectful of the neighbors and the park.
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I have a legal background and I looked up “ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) reasonable accommodations over 55 community”. It sounds like your situation would covered. It’s a ‘reasonable accommodation’ by the park. That is, it’s not much of a ‘burden’ to the park financially or otherwise. The ADA is federal law sonapplies to all states.

You’ll need the letter from his doc. The manager may likely not know about this law. Your local Legal Aid should be able to make a call to straighten out the confusion (they are free and exist in most communities/counties.). They can also help with the wording in the letter from the doc. There are plentiful Senior Housing legal guides published on the internet.

Best of luck. (:
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Bgul913 Mar 2019
Thank you for your responce Restlessremedy.
My father wrote a letter attached the doctors note and mailed it to the land owner. We haven't heard anything yet, so we are going about our business.
My father is also in the law field. He is a Paralegal, registered with Connecticut department of legal affairs.
He moved to Florida three years ago and does not know much about the law down here, but he is eager to learn. Knowing what's legal and what isn't has always been a passion of his.
If you don't mind, maybe I can let him read your responce and ask a question or two.
Enjoy your evening and thanks again.
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Bgul913: You're very welcome!
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It’s wonderful that you have a great relationship with your father and you want to live with and help him. I bet he is thrilled to have you around.

Check this out for more information:
https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/are-we-being-discriminated-against-if-we-cant-buy-home-senior-community.html

As long as you don’t violate the norms of the community, and your behavior is respectful and consistent with reasonable expectations for a 55+ community, there may not be any problems. Make sure your dad pays his rent on time. Be discreet and be thoughtful to the neighbors. Let your Dad pick up the mail and present yourself as “visiting.”

If there ever becomes an issue, you will have plenty of time to move because the laws of eviction are very expensive and time-consuming to enforce and generally favorable to the tenant.
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