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We’ve tried rewards. We’ve let her pick the day and time. She “can” get in and out alone, however, doesn’t have the dexterity to clean even most of her body. She cannot wash her long hair and psoriasis ridden scalp. It’s been months and she doesn’t believe she smells. She says we are mean to say it. Once I got her to use bathing wipes. She responded with, "That’s gross!" Looking at the wipe after using it. If you think so, let’s take a shower instead. Vehemently NO! Don’t talk to me about showers!

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Tell the woman she has a choice. She either bathes in the shower 2x a week with you helping her, or she goes into a nursing home permanently where the nurses will bathe her. Either way, she bathes at home or she bathes in a nursing home. With weight issues and the rest, hygiene is of utmost importance.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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hope411, regarding not showering/bathing. Sometimes as we get older we can become claustrophobic and fearful of slipping in the tub/shower. If the shower has glass doors, try keeping the far side door open so the person won't feel so closed in, do the same if there is a shower curtain.


The fear of falling, be careful about the soap the person is using. Too many "moisturizing soaps" have oils in them that can make the floor of the tub/shower slippery, even if there is a tub/shower mat.


And, of course, make sure grab bars are installed.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Do you ask? Anytime I "asked" Mom it would be a no. You just do it. "Time for a shower", I had no problem. Make sure the bathroom is warm. Have a shower chair warm that up. A hand held shower head. I would first rinse Mom down, then soapbher up. Those puffs are great for that. Then rinse her off. I would have Mom have her back to me holding onto the bars with her legs slightly apart. I would wash between her cheeks with soap then rinse and rinse her private parts at the same time. Never used soap there. She never had a UTI living with me. I would put a towel on the toilet lid and sit her there to dry her.

My daughter in an RN in NHs. She says its better to let them "think" they made the choice "Mrs. Jones would you not like to be all clean and fresh and have nice fresh clothes put on?" Mrs Jones "yes".

If u can get her that shower you might want to take her to a hair dresser and have her hair washed there. They have brushes that can be used on the scalp to help get rid of the flakes. People who have Dementia, I feel, become like small children. Like children, they do not like water on their face or soap in their eyes.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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hope411 Aug 10, 2024
I appreciate your, and the others, input! Everything helps!
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Sad but this is how many many elders get. Refusing to wash.

If you want to break the refusal habbit, outnumbering may work.

Eg Have 2 caregivers arranged for the first shower. Safer too. Can even do 1 bad copy 1 good cop.

Being outnumbered in the bathroom they offen give in. Once given in, it may set the precident for success going forward. Then can reduce back to 1 caregiver.

Dementia or not, giving over to others is the issue.
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Reply to Beatty
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Anxietynacy Aug 8, 2024
Yes, Beatty, I was a caregiver for a bit and that is exactly how we did it for one lady. 2 of us she couldn't fight off.

Oh my I got called some nasty names that day. A hussy for one. Her husband was so embarrassed.
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Have you tried telling her “ it’s time to take a shower , doctors orders. “? Don’t give her choices of time .
I realize this may not work as this woman has dug her heels in .

This refusing showers is often what lands them to be placed in a nursing home . Maybe the family can tell her that if she doesn’t cooperate with you she will go to a nursing home .
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Reply to waytomisery
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If she’s only at “beginning dementia” then there may be time to reason with her yet. Burnt has often told elders that nothing lands them in a home sooner than being stubborn.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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Stop trying to convince her, she’s lost the ability to reason and make good decisions. Hire a bath aide to help with baths or showers two or three times a week. Do not present it as optional. Very often those with dementia will accept help from a professional who knows some “tricks of the trade” more readily than from a family member
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Anxietynacy Aug 7, 2024
Absolutely
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There’s no point in trying to convince her of anything. She has dementia, and I suspect more than “beginning.” No normal person chooses to live in bodily filth.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Beatty Aug 8, 2024
Yup ++
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Does she at least wash her private parts and underarms?
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Reply to cover9339
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hope411 Aug 7, 2024
No. Very occasionally she will accept me handing her wipes. I am the PT caregiver 4 of 7 days. The other 3 are “professional” caregivers that can’t get her to shower either.
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There are people here in Fl that have businesses where they come in and bathe/shower the elderly.

Can you hire someone to do that for you?
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Reply to cxmoody
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hope411 Aug 7, 2024
The relative, I am the caregiver, is looking into it with agency she is using. I said request a “bathing aide”. She said the main thing she needs for help is hygiene. So far no success. She’ll use those 2 words and ask this week. I let her know I had minimal experience with dementia / showering. I do all the rest very successfully.
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