Mom is in memory assisted living. Her own room, bath. She does shower daily so that is still in tact. She calls almost every day asking "what this place is?" and that she thinks it's her last day and she is supposed to go home tomorrow. My father died 3 1/2 years ago and until about 14 months ago she was aware and comfortable with that. She started "seeing and spending time" with Dad. She started accusing him of cheating on her and gambling. Now she is saying I drove her around for hours and left her in New Jersey (she is in Penna) and ran off. She is convinced that my father is alive and wants to go home. If I ask her about where home is, she doesn't know. When I tell her to look around the room to see the furniture she has had since she was first married she recognizes that but not the place. This comes and goes but is becoming a regular thing. My brother passed last July, her youngest child and it didn't phase her. No one seems to share where we are in this dementia process. Does anyone know from experience? She is 93 but extremely strong and healthy. Thank you all so very much. Stay healthy in these hard times.
Marie
https://www.dementiacarecentral.com/aboutdementia/facts/stages/
I suggest you watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to see how to effectively communicate with your mother. Never argue with her..........just agree. The fact that she's not fazed by her son's passing is actually a good thing.........because anything that brings her anxiety and pain is not something you want to see. Don't remind her that anyone has died.........doing so just forces her to relive the trauma anew each time it's mentioned. If she believes her husband is cheating and gambling, you're unlikely to convince her otherwise :(
Put in a call to her primary care doctor to alert him to her behavior patterns/delusions & to see if he recommends medication. Some dementia sufferers find a lot of relief from anxiety with Seroquel. See what her doc has to say, that's your best bet. The goal is to keep her as calm and relaxed as possible without delusions driving her to distraction all the time!
As far as 'seeing & spending time' with your dad goes, who's to say she's not? After my father died, my mother insisted he was with her in the bed at night. I'll bet he was, actually.........after 68 years of marriage, I have no doubt their souls are together all the time, even though he's in another dimension right now. Let her alone with her feelings, as I do with my mother.
Wishing you the best of luck moving forward. Dementia is such a horrid disease. I know. My mother also lives in Memory Care and is 93 years old. It's literally one thing after another, day in and day out, too. Nerve wracking, sad and awful, ALL of it.
The doctor has told us to tell her that my father passed. The aids at the facility tell her all the time. As far as my brother goes, I agree! She could be wallowing in misery about him but just accepted and moved on.
Good luck with Mom!