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Start listing the ways this caregiver has failed to "follow the rules." Since she is leaving for the Philippines for a month, let her know that she will not be working for you when she comes back. Find a more reliable caregiver.
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marybost Dec 2022
You can be twice as safe as just as effective if you just let her go. Chances are she won't come back & even if she does, she might not re-apply to you. Don't give her an answer if she asks you if she can come back to her position. Say you are taking life one step at a time. It's just safer that way, since people who are fired have been known to do nutty things plus there is no sense in insulting her over what probably was a misunderstanding. If she returns and wants the job, you can then explain that the position is actually no longer open at this time. Going forward, when a CG makes you uncomfortable, address it very promptly and have them sign a commitment not to do it again. And if they do something you feel is egregious, tell them right away and talk to them to show them how they could have gotten their needs met while still being obedient. Warn them if egregious behavior continues, you will be forced to let them go. Remind them also of the things they have done that made you uncomfortable and the forms they signed. Tell them that between signing forms and now having a more serious warning, their job is in jeopardy and they must be on their best behavior going forward if they wish to continue.
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I have 3 private caregivers and they all bring their snacks or lunch and beverages with them.

If any of them had to leave for whatever reason, I expect them to call me so I can come home.

If they ever left my mother alone I would fire them without hesitation, even if it put a temporary hardship on me.
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debster84 Aug 2022
Thank you. I agree and this is a very tricky situation. She is leaving in December, so I am in the process of looking for someone new. This was a true shocker. Yes, calling me first is the ONLY way it should have happened.
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Perhaps I do not understand all the pitfalls. But I do not see a problem. My wife has dementia and is bed bound. I feed her and change her diaper. And we talk. I leave her to work outside and go shopping. Even if I was in the house I would not be watching her constantly. She is in no danger. It would not be any different if she could walk. I gave up my job so I could be with her. she is never left alone for more than 2hrs.
when she was in a nursing home she was left for a lot longer with no one checking on her. This was true for most of the people there. I could not get them to even change her diaper. In fact it was their lack of care taking her to the bathroom that gave her the idea it’s ok to go in the diaper. I once waited 4 hours to get them to change the diaper after I asked them.
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Find another caregiver and then fire her on the spot.
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Daphne131 Dec 2022
There is a shortage of caregivers. Make rules clear and in sorting and post rules even obvious ones in home for all caregivers. This trains your caregiver. Otherwise, you may not have a caregiver in future if you just fire one. Training with a list of rules is in your best interest long term. Revenge isn’t.
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Isn't 24/7 a bit much? Everyone needs a little time off?
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I hate to tell you but employers usually don't give workers 2 weeks' notice at all. That is extremely rare. The only way I know of to soften the blow of firing someone is to give them a severance or a very nice piece of real jewelry. But don't give them notice because if they are resentful, it won't help your mom.
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I have commented on this thread before, but since it's once again active, I'll indulge myself.
If the OP's mother is so out of it with dementia that she can't be left alone for a little while she belongs in managed care with a full, round-the-clock staff to "watch" her.
The OP is the one who is negligent and putting dementia mom at risk here by leaving one person to provide round-the-clock care seven days a week.
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Daphne131 Dec 2022
Except in managed care they leave dimentia patients alone also for hours not mere .30 minutes. Throughout the history of human life there has been aging and people who need the care from the younger adult children. There were no facilities back then. So the mere act of putting someone who has the capacity to ask for food and feed themselves doesn’t mean society and caretakers cannot leave them alone for 30 minutes. And 24 caretaker is permitted breaks.

In above post it is noteworthy dimentia patient stated she was hungry and asked for food. And given caretaker went out and got food evidences there was not ample food in the home. Hence, caretaker may have agreed to leave when asked for 30 minutes to get food, as a great necessity if not ample food in home. Think it out.

Same happens in 24 hour memory facilities. A care facility is also NOT required to be present at bedside 24 hours/day so life doesn’t improve in facility related to “watching patient.”

Moreover, having 24 caregiver in the home is unrealistic. The person deserves breaks to leave the home. It’s the law.

No harm was done proving it was not an undo undue risk. What might have happened did not. Since caregiver chose to accept patient’s request to go nearby for a half hour to return with food, that was the safer best option for well-being of patient- food. Everyone needs to eat. Everyone needs variety.

To emotionally exaggerate a response to then claim patient needs a facility is irrational, inhumane and not making the situation safer since facilities also do not sit with a patient 24 hours a day. (Since patient is requesting food, starvation may be issue a facility can resolve. Generally dimentia patients are thin and have no appetite.)

Getting food for patient is very important. If patient is hungry and is able to speak they need food, those are very healthy and good signs patient is not in severe dimentia. The days of institutionalizing a person merely, because they have a diagnosis of dimentia are over. A more humane approach is used now. Dimentia doesn’t mean people cannot reside alone accd to my Mum’s doctor in CA depending on level of dimentia and local support later.

People with dimentia often pass away with no family knowing they have dimentia. Hence, they were not unsafe by themselves. Mild dimentia patients can still legally drive. DMV not doctors decide who drivers and DMV uses objective tests.

Mild and moderate dimentia patients walk, feed, dress, bath, themselves, garden, operate telephones and TV, microwave themselves meals, make tea/coffee with instant water machine, They are not yet “dimented.” And have their legal rights to live alone.They might have peripheral help to ensure bills are paid or to drive to grocery store,doctors. This does NOt mean they cannot reside alone safely.

I know this first hand. My Mother is moderate. Doctors give me signed document saying she is LEGALLY ABLE to make her own legal decisions. This means so she can live alone if she wants to in her own home. To place in a facility mean they do not get same amount of comfort in their surroundings (well-being), do not get to see family photos around, cannot chose their own likeable food, treated as patients not as family which degrade their feeling of independence is taken from them which negatively impacts their live.

So what if they cannot recall date, time, what happened yesterday, names, don’t their medicine (unless schizophrenia or bipolar meds. It is their body and choice without dimentia so they have thst same right with it. And it no longer matters at that age if high blood pressure, or whatever. That doesn’t make them fire/fall threat to themselves or others. Just remove oven and stove knobs if memory issues. So long as family come to replenish groceries,socialize once/week or more. Than your life isn’t uprooted either and you both keep your independence and mental health more. Train caregiver with list of dos and don’t is easier, wiser, faster.
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This post is from August and OP has not responded since then. Probably should be shut down.
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Daphne131 Dec 2022
No. Leave post up. The point here is to learn from others. We don’t need the poster to “respond” to still learn from the answers resulting from his post. He was so quick to misblame the caregiving when all he needed to do was provide food and communicate with the caregiver not blame her.

This rush to mis-judgement agaibst caregivers who must leave to provide food which is caring for the patient, occurs much too often, so it is a great learning experiencing to others who hire caregivers but don’t provide food in the home.

There is a great reason this post is still up. It’s helpful. Just because I’ve may not like the responses doesn’t mean it should be removed because the original poster didn’t reply. He or she may be reading all the newer posts from time to time and real size error in his thinking and just learn to communicate with caregiver and provide food in the home.
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The first question is why wasn’t there ample food in the home for the caregiver and dimentia victim to eat? And second question is why didn’t you make it clear of your rule to NOT leave home for food? If there was ample food in home then their wouldn’t be a reason to leave.

Caregivers are often inexperienced. And they are less of “Care” givers and more of sitters who ensure elderly people are feed and safe. If the elderly person was complaining of hunger and you didn’t provide ample ready food thst did not requiring cooking, then caregiver may have acted in benefit if the elderly person.

instead of getting revenge with terminating caregiver, make a list of the exact rules. Often things seem obvious to you that are not obvious nor permitted.

There is a shortage of caregivers so train your caregiver rather than terminating. Again write list of your rules and obvious rules.

I know all this because we recently had a caregiver who put her iPhone into loud high pitched music that gave my Mum headache. She also left to go to get car. And she bought my Mother food at grocery story after her shift and returned with it and then later charged my Mother for her time and food that was never authorized when my Mum gets groceries for free and we went to grocery store day before so there was prepared food only needing to be microwaved.

so merely speak with the caregiver and write a list. Otherwise you may not get a caregiver when you need with them shortage.

If it occurs again, then take action. Also notify the service and send them your list obviously.

we installed a cheap $30 Blink camera or two in kitchen and living room to see if my Mum falls. This camera recorded caretaker. Invest in Blink inside camera to monitor.
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I've had cases where there was no food in the house when I entered. I ended up having to get lunch for both the client and myself. We shared a baked chicken, potato salad and watermelon together. I had the agency yelling at me not to buy any food. I'm not inexperienced, but I refused to let a client starve because the agency offered no recourse or called anyone who could have provided groceries. This lady's refrigerator had some old dried up looking food that had been there for days. There was nothing I could do to resurrect that mess. I wasn't going to feed a client food that wasn't fit for a rat to eat. Also, we are not allowed to use the credit cards of the client to purchase food. We have to take a picture of the receipt and the change given back to the client.

The fact of the matter is that family members will complain about the aide not doing this or that, but aides are hired to help with cleaning and grocery shopping along with providing help with grooming and ADLs.
It is easier to blame the aide than to do the right thing and check to make sure there is food available for the elderly person to eat or at least leave a number of someone who can be responsible for the food and the banking.
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Daphne131 Dec 2022
You are so brave to say all this. The family misthink that by hiring a caregiver they have nothing to do. They must provide food. And the food cannot be from scratch like making bread from scratch for example. If over four (4) hours of work, family must give caregiver breaks also.

Some caregiving companies now hire “contract” caregivers. That means it’s up to the hiring person to broke schedule and beaks. It’s a work around so the company has no liability. The caregivers then charge the caregiver a percentage. So the actual caregiver must make all decision and get all updated training rather the care fund company.

BRAVO BRAVO again for you having the intelligence and wisdom to not automatically misblame the caregiver as most ignorant assume was at fault, when they failed to realize providing food is part of being a caregiver and there is no requirment to be in presence of patient 24 hours a day, but only care for them 24 hours a day unless the contact says that.

Proving food is caring. And if bed-bound there is no safety issue and NO NEGLIGENCE.

If bed-bound they are probably already in a hospital managed care bed. So no difference between being bed-bound in home versus at managed care facility as you know.

So many people make false assumptions and conclusions. It’s wonderful this site of questions and answers exist to show and share things that others are uneducated about. It enhances the lives of all caregivers and the elderly who need them or managed care.

Some are stuck in 20th Century old misthinking about what us best for the elderly and about caregiving. They also claim “Neglect” when they have a pedestrian under staining of the law and no education nor training in law for the elderly.

You are amazing and so kind to share your first hand expert so ithers ehi never thought that the lack of prepared food in the home may have been why the dimentia patient, who poster indicated was not severely with dimentia if having an appetite and able to communicate to caregiver, went out 30 minutes not to speak to boyfriend, smoke or be on phone but yo get food for patient.

Great job. Thank you for sharing and thank you for the expert job you do enhancing the lives of patients and their families. And also for feeding those without food in home. Not everyone can self-reflect or think things out as logically as you are skilled.
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If mother was bed-bound then less of an issue. Try communicating with the caregiver. That’s free and easy. Caregiver may have thought she was doing “right thing” since even in memory facilities no one is staying in presense of a patients 24 hours a day. Be reasonable. Don’t blame a caregiver if you didn’t communicate or post your rules. Work with and not against the caregiver. Don’t internalize it as an affront or as unsafe when proving food to your mother who clearly is with it enough to still communicate clearly is also a mandatory act of caregiving and perhaps more important to feed a patient then to be with a patient.

The fix is easy. Communicate and make certain YOU provide premade food in home for both of them. Sign up for Meals on Wheels or another food delivery foe your Mother and Amazon food delivery for your employee/contractors caretaker as is your duty under law to provide ample, premade food; not having to make bread from scratch as an example, if it is 24 hour care.

Communicate and provide food. Problem solved.
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Hothouseflower Dec 2022
If that’s the only thing she did wrong, cut her a break.Tell her not to do it again.
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24/7, huh?
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Wow, already 42 answers, so I'm late but still have something to say ----

Whoever is in charge of hiring caregiver for dementia patient (bed-bound or walking) 24/7 at home should be also responsible for setting up top-priority rule, for example under no circumstances leave the patient alone at home. In addition, give the caregiver contact number in case of unexpectancy/emergency. It may prevent some of these problems from happening again, if not all.
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