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I am the sibling who is out of country and far. New COVID strain in USA and no vaccine available for it yet (KP.3). I am 65, but international travel now makes me worry. Parents already got it, I have not and would have to risk getting it during this long travel. I want to visit to help out and do my part but if I get sick I might need help myself ….should I risk it? Given this I decided not to travel. I feel bad about it, but What can I do from afar to help the almost burned out sibling? Other 3 (4 of us) siblings are managing other stuff together including being in house for week here and there (finding help, care and finances okay) but one in particular is worn out. So that is my question…. Feeling frustrated, guilty and bad.

Covid(aka the flu)will be with us forever, so I guess that means you will never see your parents again then huh?
So then I love Margaret's suggestion of sending siblings the cost of your unused airfare to help them with whatever needs your siblings/parents have.
Or you can pay for full-time help for a week or two and then pay for your burned out sibling to get away on a vacation during that time to rest and relax.
You can also pay for food to be delivered on a regular basis to your parents as that will be one less thing your siblings will have to worry about.
Why don't you ask your siblings what would help them out the most from afar?
They will be the best ones to answer your question don't you think?
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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You know what? If you are still worrying about Covid a whole lot you have to be about the only living person doing so! Don't know what the status is where you are, but unless folks are exceptionally debilitated already, no one is dying of Covid much here, and few are even hospitalized. I ride the bus in San Francisco daily and have to tell you that I am just about the only living person in a mask. At 82 I have in fact finally given up the mask unless in a tight situation (bus, grocery line, Farmer's Market).

In the USA we are hearing covid strains are now showing up increasingly in the sewer system collections (about how we measure it here, now). But despite this surge we are not seeing increased deaths, hospitalizations. Most people who get a "respiratory" thing aren't even testing themselves. And the rules of the CDC as to how long teachers and so on can stay out of school even if they HAVE covid are rapidly changing. Looks like herd immunity is here.

So I cannot say that you should not worry about Covid. I leave all matters Covid right where I leave politics--YOUR CHOICE. But, I myself would not let Covid be a factor. I would be visiting. And as I said, my partner and I have traditionally been VERY CAREFUL in regards to Covid.

So up to you and I am wishing you the best and good health, too.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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SnoopyLove Aug 21, 2024
This is very wise. I’m in the Bay Area too — only a few older folks are masked here and there at stores, church, etc. Occasionally I see a healthy-looking kid or teenager wearing a mask outside and I wonder what’s going on there but, in general, people are living their lives, with all the risks inherent in that.
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I think we may have had it early in the year and chose not to test. It was no worse than a bad head cold. COVID like the flu is here to stay. We can't put our lives on hold.
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Anxietynacy Aug 22, 2024
I feel like anyone with a cold , test or not test, really who cares, but respect others and keep your cold to yourself.

Whenever someone is sick in my house, I'll tell are friends not to come over, and hope thar respect is given back.
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I’m not even going to address Covid . You do what you are comfortable in that regard, because even if you went to visit it’s a temporary fix .

Perhaps like others said , maybe you can help from far in other ways , pay for an aide to give them a break , have some food delivered .

But the fact of the matter is this situation is going to keep getting worse even if you helped them temporarily .

I think your 3 sibs need to admit this is no longer working especially since at least one is really burned out . They need a new solution . Hopefully parents can afford hired help for in home care or to go into assisted living or whatever care level they need . I hope your siblings are not resistive to this because they are trying to save the family home from being sold , or avoid using potential inheritance to pay for care . I also hope siblings are not doing this because they promised parents they would never be placed in a care home .

I would encourage them to seek other solutions , for the sake of everyone especially the very burnt out sibling .
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Reply to waytomisery
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Consider transitioning your parents into a good, reputable facility. Your siblings cannot continue to orbit around them, the current caregiving solution is unsustainable and they will eventually all burn out. My MIL is in an excellent facility in LTC 3 miles from my house.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Covid is still with us, but is a lower risk. Air travel is common, people are going on holidays OS without worrying much about it. Just being sensible about wearing masks etc. If you are worried about catching it on a plane, you can isolate when you arrive to give it time to show itself.

If you don’t want to travel or do the care, no-one can force you, but I wouldn’t blame it on Covid. There is no point in “feeling frustrated, guilty and bad”. Perhaps you could find other ways to support both your parents and your siblings, even if it’s just to donate the value of the airfare you won’t be using.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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It seems to me, if your parents had Covid and your siblings were still taking care of them, THEY risked getting covid by doing so, every time they came in contact with mom and dad while they were infected.

All you siblings need to get together and figure out a plan that is sustainable, especially if one of you is taking on the lion's share of the burden of caregiving, covid notwithstanding. Because that one sibling is going to reach burn out soon, if sibling isn't there already, and that won't be good for anyone, including and especially mom and dad.

I took care of my mom through the beginning days of covid, when there wasn't any vaccine and people were dying in the thousands, and my one sibling didn't want to "risk" getting it coming to visit our mom when she was in her end days. But she was more than willing to let ME and MY FAMILY take the risks taking care of mom, including trips to the hospital/ER where people were infected in the hundreds.

If I sound a little bitter, that's because I am. I think you're seeking absolution here, not advice.
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Reply to notgoodenough
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You could pay for help for the siblings. Have meals delivered to their houses for them, not the parent, because they're tired from caregiving and would appreciate not having to cook. Pay for a housecleaner for their houses. Use the money you were going to spend on a plane ticket. You shouldn't feel guilty about not getting on a plane because your health is important. You don't want to become a burden for someone else.

I will tell you about Covid now in the place in the US where I live. I'm in an over-55 community and am on a group Facebook page exclusive to this community. In the last couple of weeks, many have posted that they have Covid now, usually the strain J1, Flirt or other new, whatever they may be. One woman has had Covid 9 times and claims that this is the hardest one she's ever had in terms of getting over it. Three weeks into it, she is exhausted and not yet well. Much coughing. Others have posted similarly about how hard it is to shake the current variant(s). Most, I gather, have taken Paxlovid. I don't know their vax status. I do know that there is evidence of Covid in the waste water and that the incidence is rising. I also know that some of these people who are sick now continue to use the amenities here and are out and about at the post office, food stores, and so on. I seldom see anyone wearing a mask.

My stepdaughter lives about 40 miles away in a large city. She and her family contracted Covid about 3 weeks ago. These are people who fly frequently around the US and also to foreign countries - to two countries in the past two months. They have gotten on planes sick, will not mask and will not test for Covid if they're sick and want to fly. That's because they don't want to limit what THEY want to do. They don't care about infecting others (I find this disturbing and inconsiderate).

My husband and I are elderly, and he has dementia. There is credible research at Cambridge University and the US Veterans Admin and others about Covid's causing cognitive decline in those with dementia. A good friend who has experienced this is part of a research study to find out why the brain fog never went away. He was (documented) cognitively fine before a mild case of Covid; several weeks after his Covid, his cognitive abilities went steeply downhill. He now has moved to a continuing care community because he will need memory care sooner rather than later.

If my husband experiences a drop in cognitive decline, he'll likely be at a stage where he can't walk and will lose the remnants of speech that he has left. I have a history of severe bronchitis. For those reasons, we limit our contact with people because we don't know who is safe to be around - and who doesn't care who they infect, like members of our own family. It seems that there are now a lot like that. Knowing others' cavalier attitude about spreading a virus that can be deadly for people like us, I would not get on a plane now for ANYTHING.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Anxietynacy Aug 22, 2024
That's good info. Everyone's is different and no one knows the others life or health information, or history. Everyone has to figure out what's best for them and there family, and no one should judge another for how they deal with it
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“Feeling frustrated, guilty and bad” is a waste of energy and gets you nowhere. Covid will always remain a threat but is barely discussed anymore in the US. My adult son is a high risk patient and his medical team never mentions it or getting booster vaccines at all. But it’s fully your choice how you handle it. If you choose not to come, have a phone meeting with your siblings and decide together what the next steps in caregiving need to be. You’ll figure out how to be helpful from there.
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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The updated vaccine will be available in September
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