My first instinct is yes, do it, but I'm hesitant because she has no other family or friends nearby to visit her. Fortunately, however, just this past weekend I was able to get her into a really nice facility where I feel like she will get decent care and maybe even make some friends.
I wonder how often I should try to visit her...once a month, once every other month? It would require a plane ticket. I work full time so I could only stay a day or two at a time.
I agree with others who have said that since she's now in a facility, it's fine for you to move on with your life.
In terms of her refusal to move closer to you, just remember that with an elderly person, change is guaranteed. If she grows to feel that she needs you and you are already settled in a job somewhere else, she may change her mind. That happened with my mother.
As far as how often to visit, I'd limit it to special occasions at first. Maybe her birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas, or the like. Realize that as years go by, there will be crises and emergencies that you will likely want (or feel the need) to be there for. The last few years of life, people tend to move from crisis to crisis. If I were you, I'd save my leave time and travel dollars for that.
If your mother is in Skilled Nursing, they do handle quite a few more issues for the elders than they do in Assisted Living. If she's in Assisted Living at this point, I sincerely don't see how this is feasible for you.
Whatever you decide, best of luck.
My situation now is to the point where I’d probably accept an offer to do the IT for a beach side taco and margarita hut in Mexico!
If you think this is the one, the job you’ve always wanted, I say go for it. Yes, your mom won’t be here forever, but neither will you. For years we lived under the ‘if mama ain’t happy’ rule. Well I’m 60 now and it’s my turn to be mama for a few years. Please consider what YOU want too.
If the job is that important to you, then move her to a facility nearer to where you want to relocate. Spending time with her, without all the cost or having to take a lot of leave from a new job (if she became ill) is more important than trying out a new job. In my opinion.
For clarification, I shouldn't have said moving is not an option for her. It could be an option, just one that would be difficult given her health and financial situations and require crossing state lines. But it's not impossible.
I haven't talked to her about this since it's not a done deal by any means, but I believe she would be open to moving. Like my husband and myself, she is not originally from here, and she has lived in many different places in her lifetime.
I think taking the job - which has many advantages for my husband and me - and then later trying to move her closer is the most likely scenario. I do have a local friend who might be willing to check in on her, but if not, I will explore other options.
My grandfather lived to be 101 and had 3 daughters & 1 son and went into a nursing home for the last 10-15 years of his life & was very happy there.
Most people would prefer help from family, but that doesn't give them the right to impose that desire on others. Most of us would want to be there for our families during emergencies, but it's not unreasonable to want to limit our involvement to urgent matters and not provide the day to day help that elders often need. I would have strongly preferred that, but my mother could not afford paid help or assisted living and still needed help with lots of day to day activities. So I was stuck somewhere I didn't want to be for 7+ years.
If my mother had the money for assisted living, I would have insisted that she use it. That way I could have gone on living the life I wanted and would not have been seething with resentment over being trapped in a role I didn't want and couldn't get out of.
shocked at the responses. When did society become so self centered? I was surprised that there was even a question about moving away from your mother. As a person who has worked as a caregiver for 8 years and the daughter of both my mother and grand mother with dementia, I do have some input. I am not trying to put you down or be mean at all however...you only have one mother. She has only one life, she gave you life. So your first question should be what you can do for her. You might think that the facility that you saw was nice, but a lot of them are not. What happens if you move and find out that she isn't happy? I haven't always been the perfect daughter myself. But it is my opinion that you should take care of her while you can. I believe that if you do that the job opportunities will come your way after. God will bless you for making the right choice. After all he asked us to "Honor your father and your mother."
My opinion is do what is right for you. Make arrangements for good care. Where is she living now? Sorry, I didn’t read all the answers.
Visit as often as you can. Or see if she would like to move near you. Would you be interested in her living near you?