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This is a PS to my earlier comments. I wonder if it would help if you asked your mother to let you record some of her experiences. Or better yet, perhaps a friend could make the recordings. If your mom knows her stories will survive her, it may give a sense of closure. Just a thought. These stories do have historical value.
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Ariadnee Mar 2022
Great reply. As far as the historical value, maybe she knew people that are in the history books-but didn't know it then?
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Isabella , I am going to share a story with you . I Lived on Cape Cod and would see a man goose stepping his way down to the docks to feed the ducks . One day he Knocked on my Door - He spoke to me in German . For some reason I could understand him . He asked me " Why I was wearing the cross ? " and I replied " it was my great Grand Mothers from Poland . " he then asked me " if I could go see his wife she was dying ? " and I said " Sure " So we walked me Over to his modest apartment and there was a 83 year Old lady crying . He left us alone and walked out . She cried for awhile and I watched her . Finally she said to me " Do you burn the star ? " and I said shook my head " No " That seemed to give her some comfort . I Looked around her apartment and there were all these postcards from Brazil . What I Figured were her sons . She seemed to calm down and stopped weeping . The Husband came home and thanked me and gave me some Life magazines on Stalin . When she first asked me " if I burnt the star ? " I got it immediately and Maybe Myself just being there Let her release herself from the pain and brought her peace . Compassion and empathy goes a Long way . Sometimes people just need to tell you they are in Pain and by Listening to their story you can help them release that pain . Listening is a Great gift .
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isabella4: By viewing this news channel day in and day out, they are merely feeding what could be deemed PTSD. Block such news channels. This is torturous for them.
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why that station???? how about something funny!
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Why does she want your dad to watch this on the news knowing he has dementia and is unable to separate the news from his own reality? Does your mom also have dementia? Does she not understand how this is affecting your father? Can you TALK to her about turning off the news and maybe playing some soft music or watch some sporting events or programs about birds or gardening?
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I am first generation of parents who immigrated during WW2 - who lost absolutely everything and spent time in the camps. My mother lived her entire life here in this country terrified that at any moment the war would be on her doorsteps and she would have to go through it all over again. I grew up hearing about the atrocities of the war. For her it never ended, especially since many of her family members were left behind never to reconnect. Fireworks and thunder terrified her because it reminded her being in bomb shelters with bombs falling. Being on a train was traumatic for her, since she had been transported on a train.

Towards the end of her life, with all her friends gone and unable to get out on her own, she spent hours in front of the tv. She watched the news channels so should would be 'informed' just in case. So she would know if there was a nuclear attack and she could do....what, she didn't know. But she would 'know'. She was always seeking out the news ...it was like she was feeding her addiction to feeling terrified. I ended putting child locks on the 24 hour news stations but leaving the local on since they only came on 2x a day. She could watch TTN (old movies), Hallmark channel, the music channels, etc.
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isabella4 Mar 2022
Thank you Annabelle for telling me your story. I hope you don't mind I answer generally to all through your post as I cannot figure out where to make a general response to all.
I understand where you are coming from. I know that my parents will never forget the horrific childhoods they had. It is heart breaking. And I feel honored that my parents have told me their truth. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to look into one's child's eyes and tell them their history. My mom does not repeat her stories over and over again to change the past in her mind. She told me when I was young it is so none of us can ever forget it, it is like a punishment to the world for putting her through it. It is not told in a way to try to make me as a better person. My father tells it to me in that way so I learn to understand all people, as he has also written a book. Being a narcissist, she always needs to be the one with the worst condition, the worst daily hardships, etc. It has gone on forever over any topic, not just her childhood or the war. She has become unbearable to people. It's not like it's become worse as she has aged, it has always been this way. The difficulty I have is that she and I are his lifeline as he is regressing back into the old language. She knows she has the power to make me leave and I have no way to stop it if she decides I may not be here with them. I can take the brunt of it, but I cannot NOT allow her to put on the war channels as it is in her home. I also think she does this to see my reaction. Yes, mostly, I realize I have been venting. Thank you everyone for responding. I have learned so much about others' compassion. Yes, sadly the horrific experiences for the Ukrainians are real. With the human brain becoming more and more advanced, one would think something so barbaric could not be even real. Sadly, if we never learn this, man will one day bring the end to us all. We all need to be gentle on this world.
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Near the end of their lives it is normal to look back on your life, reviewing the events with the perspective of age and sorting out regrets, etc. Memories of childhood often come to the fore - they are the most deeply embedded in the brain, and we presume they are of happy safe times.
One part of PTSD is the repetition compulsion - putting yourself into a similar experience as the trauma, trying to control what happens and come to a different outcome - to master the situation where you were powerless and terrified.
Unfortunately for you, both of these mechanisms are active for both of your parents. The current war in Ukraine creates a 'perfect storm' of fear and pain.
Contact the VA, the nearest teaching hospital psychiatry program, hospice support groups, the local senior center, the state aging services department and ask for help for your parents, and for yourself in caring for them.
Sometimes aging parents listen to strangers better than to their own kids.
At one time in my area the local Jewish community groups provided training and resources for Holocaust survivors as they were aging, especially with dementia.
Thinking of all of you..this is heartbreaking.
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I'm sure you feel quite helpless in a situation where your parents continually watch on TV (and, of course, re-live in memory), the horrors of the past. I was born in 1941, in the US, but grew up hearing from many people about "the war"in both Europe and Japan...My father was a military officer who did not serve in combat, but in a chemical research lab. We personally knew several people who suffered much.

Your parents (and esp. your father) will always remember what he saw, heard and experienced as a child. Keeping him away from war movies will not make him forget. It will make YOU more comfortable.

APS can't help him and I'm not sure he's being "abused". I don't remember you saying much about HIS reaction. Sometime people who have survived horrible experiences have an odd tendency, a desire almost, to revisit the experience in their minds, sometimes over and over...as if they can imagine it with a better outcome, think of a better response or perhaps accept that it really did happen to them. Sometimes they don't talk about it. I don't know, but, for some, it seems a compulsion. That may be part of what drives your parents want to watch the films.

There are few people, now, that can share their experiences (except maybe residents of Ukraine). If you feel it is harming him mentally, aggravating his dementia, by all means try to give him something else to do or to watch.
But no matter what, you cannot make him forget! Movies or not, it will always be with him.
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Ask mom to play movies that your father can enjoy instead of the news.
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Sounds like a psychiatrist could walk them through the trauma to some sense of understanding (maybe, maybe not). I've worked with survivors, but I doubt that they ever really got over it....................I know, I couldn't. Maybe a patient Rabbi could consult? The Ukraine situation is VERY similar to Hitler's rampage across Europe, I think the TV news should be off limits, but that's just me.

Love can't fix trauma, so your job is just to love them..........please never forget how powerful it is in all the other ways it is given.
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Do they have a comedy channel available in their area?
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Off of PeggySue's answer - you can use Parental Controls on their remote and block CNN. So it'll be like it doesn't exist when they try to tune to it. Then maybe put up a list of other channels that they could go to. You mentioned your Dad likes music, on my cable there are music channels that will play basically any style of music. Not really much for the visual, but the music might help.
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Oh my soul, how gut-wrenching. This poor man is being tortured. Sounds to me like the mother may have a touch of dementia herself. That she may not be able to connect the effect the news is having on him. Savvy or not, I think the idea to block such channels on the tv is an excellent idea. Yes, nice music or past enjoyable tv shows for dad. For mom, excellent idea to have someone record Mom's stories of WWWII. Pure gold. Each person deals w severe emotional pain in different ways. For some, it takes Mom's form where that she has been talking it out over a lifetime. Sadly though, what is cathartic for her is now torturing Dad. I also agree, (at least in USA) people have grown soft. They have no concept of living in the middle of conflict/war. Until I read these comments, I had never given thought to this issue. (which is huge) in connection with survivors who are encountering this added trauma when dementia/alz creeps upon their door.
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My husband is the child of Holocaust survivors. He was raised to feel and live as if he also had experienced this. There are some habits that can never be erased. As an adult he joined a group for children of survivors, which helped him to deal with their realities and himself. I suggest the same for you. We had a good friend who was in multiple concentration camps during WWII. Her daughter did not know the stories. When we finally got her to go to a reunion of survivors, she was able to open up and be herself. It was a shock to her adult child, but she has a grandson and greatgrandchildren who have embraced her legacy. There are still many survivors who were children, like your parents. Get them involved with others who they can safely share with and relate to. Find a support group for yourself too. You need to love them but not share this life with them. It's too hard, and it doesn't help any of you.
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