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I'm not even sure how to ask this question...Just like a lot of us, I grew up with a childhood I wouldn't want to re-do...any way fast forward 60 years ( ugh) I finally figured out I wasn't alone, there are tons of us out there dealing with horrid situations of a nasty, miserable to the core mother.


If you read a lot of the threads we are in our late 40's, most of us are 60! Seems like there is an entire generation of us who are dealing with the ramifications of angry hateful spiteful mothers. Was it in the water? WW2 issues, they all can't be born with dementia!? Were they born with mental illness? Was this a social environment learned behavior? How did this happen?


When/where or why did narcissism become a way of life back then? How was it ok?


That pretty much set the stage for the rest of it, don't even ask about teenager time. I couldn't go to college, I was gonna get knocked up and waste the money. Then I met and married the " drunk, the loser"- we are married 40 yrs. He has bad legs, thusly "the drunk" walk and the loser twist. I then had 2 kids- should have had only one-"SHE is just like her father", my son walks on water in her eyes. So ya, ok, by now you get where I am going...but where did this generation of parent come from? Why did the men stay?

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My mother has been jealous of me my whole life and the sad part is...I never knew it until a few yrs ago. I still don't get it! How does a mother become jealous of her daughter? But I think this is why my mother turned my brother against me...she needed someone else on her side...to hate me with her...to bad that she never understood that I was on her side...that I really did love her and could have been a great blessing to her if only she would have worked with me and not against me!

FYI, I really am not looking for the answer to how mothers can be jealous of their daughters. I know my mother has low self-esteem and self-worth! I do wish that my dad would have seen it! Sigh:(
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2019
See, perfect example of how complicated a relationship can be between a mother and daughter, right?

I have seen situations like this over and over.
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NHWM: You brought up a good point on jealousy. I think my mom was jealous of my DH. One time she remarked "He has his nice clothes and shoes." She widowed young (in her 40s) and I always wished that she'd remarried. Good grief - she never even dated! She was poor her whole life.
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NeedHelpWithMom Dec 2019
Llama,

You’re very intuitive to pick up on her feelings. Yeah, sometimes there are underlying emotions that they don’t even understand at times. It’s very interesting, isn’t it?

I think many times we are too quick to judge. We are all guilty of it at some point.
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I think mothers and daughters have complicated relationships. Sometimes there is jealousy. There are more opportunities for women in the workplace today. They did not have those options. I’m sure they had dreams.

So in many ways those who desired more in their lives were unfulfilled and some of them unintentionally took their frustrations out on their daughters who are living in a different world.

They didn’t know how to process their emotions. Psychology was not as common. There were no support groups like today. Daycare wasn’t available for their children. They were expected to be homemakers.

I recently heard someone say in an interview that they were able to completely forgive their mom because she had been an accomplished jazz singer in her day.

Then she married and had her daughter. She missed singing. Her daughter understood that later.

This woman was so incredibly interesting. This interview was on a public radio show about food and how people connect with food.

She decided that she wanted to help people open up about their secret desires. So she did something kind of radical or what might be considered strange by most people.

She talks to complete strangers at restaurants and fast food places and asks if they will join her at her table to share a meal. Weird right? Hold on, most people tell her yes!

It kind of reminds me of how people open up to bartenders and hairstylists.

Anyway, she gives them her phone number. She meets with them from time to time. She encourages them to follow their dreams and many have and have told her that her random meeting for lunch changed their life! Isn’t that fascinating?

She was inspired to do all of this because her mother was unfulfilled. I think she has an amazing heart and truly is making a difference in this world.
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I don't know what the cause is, because, this type of person comes from many backgrounds. The one that I know, comes from a very loving home with kind and giving parents. She was also an only child. She had many friends, close family and a normal childhood, married the man of her dreams and never wanted for a thing. So, what happened?
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notrydoyoda Dec 2019
Very often narcissist come from one of two backgrounds. They are spoiled and thus feel they are very special or they are neglected and decide to make up for what they didn't get.
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Wow, this is an interesting thread.

My mother is not a narcissist, but she is very passive aggressive and hell bent on getting her way.

She is extremely critical and often child-like. Her grandchildren do not want to be around her because she will inevitably say something shi++y, usually a back handed compliment. She told one granddaughter that "She had the cutest little blonde mustache." Out of the blue she told me "Your smile is pretty. Your teeth aren't so white like other people's." (side note - I have dark teeth from tetracycline and have always been self-conscious about it. Both my sisters had the same problem and have their teeth capped and now have beautiful WHITE TEETH smiles, which she complains about). I could go on and on with a list of inappropriate things she has said.

If you try to do something nice for her, she will make you regret it. One sister gets sucked into the guilt every couple of years. One year she took my mother on a cruise. She returned home swearing she would NEVER do that again!

She and my other sister are taking my mom to a Symphony Christmas program in Atlanta and spending the night at the Ritz, going to a fancy restaurant, etc. I chose to stay home and have my dad spend the night with me. I expect my mother will complain about it all saying the music was too loud, the food wasn't very good, the bed was hard, etc.

When it is just one on one with her, she can be fun. Something about being around several people and she will pour crazy from the bottle.

She was her mother's caregiver. Her mother criticized EVERYTHING about her from her weight to her housekeeping. But her mother worshiped the son who was her baby boy and who rarely visited.
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Human behavior and family issues have not changed. It's more acceptable to talk about our family issues openly, today. In the past, people kept it to themselves or only shared it with their closest friends. I read a lot of history and you would be surprised how many people had the same issues with their parents. They didn't call it narcissism, but they were describing the same issues and behaviors. Also, most people died at a much young age so the family drama became memories, even if they were painful memories, instead of on going problems.
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Struggling 1, are you sure we don't have the same mother? Haha, not funny.
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How about God is neither a man or a woman, but that our problems go back to Adam & Eve.
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I've thought about this too. The only thing I can come up with is God is a woman.
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Shell38314 May 2019
REALLY?
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I have found peace finally at age 64 with my 87-year-old mother who has always favored my brother (age 61). It takes practice but it can be done. Love and compassion allow me to forgive her and focus on what is remaining of my life.
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I'm one of the lucky ones to have great parents. Lost my Dad 10 years ago, and Mom now has Alzheimer's. Although, I don't think it should be lucky, it should be the norm, even though, sadly, it's often not the case. Anyway, with that being said, and I get, easy for me to say. But there may come a time that a person needs to accept a situation for what it is. And it's never too late for you to find some happiness and satisfaction. I hope I'm never a burden to my daughter. Ever. You deserve some peace of mind. Everyone does. And sometimes why doesn't even matter. And, heck, go to college!
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I guess I am the difficult mom, as I grew up in WWII and my daughter says I have a narcissistic personality (she is an RN who majored in psychology). I think that the reason there are so many old folks around is the increase in life span that resulted from all the preventive drugs like statins and cancer treatments. Also Medicare provides affordable health care--until the 1960s and Lyndon Johnson, there was no Medicare and older people often didn't have the means for private insurance. Because my grandparents owned and operated a flower shop, my mother had to take care of her grandmother, who had dementia--but she (my great grand) never saw a doctor, and when she quit eating they let her die. That was not an unusual situation. So now we are living into the years when dementia typically develops, and medical care is inexpensive even if nursing homes and memory care are not (such did not exist in the 1940s). I don't know what one can do--I carry a gene for late onset Alzheimer's, and it is getting pretty late (I am 81). I don't want to become a burden to either of my children, and I have two LTC policies--but it is still a lot of work to have a parent in a nursing home compared to just dropping dead!
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Isthisrealyreal Apr 2019
Your acknowledgment of what your daughter says leads me to wonder if you are a narcissist. I have never met a true narcissist that would even repeat being called one, nor have I ever met one that planned ahead for their care. The ones I know figure every one that knows them and everyone they have ever worked with will be stumbling over each other to care for them.

Maybe you only treat her that way? Do some research and if you see yourself in the description, you can overcome this personality trait, acknowledging that you behave that way is the hardest part of healing.

Yes, science keeps people alive beyond quality of life, we are nothing but guinea pigs for them. That's where we come into the equation, we don't have to accept their poison.
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One of the reasons I praise Millennials so much is their approach to mental health. I too, have a bunch of friends with terrible mothers. I'm 43, my mom is 82, and back in those days, no one got diagnosed with anything unless it was REALLY bad. Or they'd get prescribed some too strong meds to replace drinking. I can't imagine living in the 50s - the undiagnosed mental health issues must have been rampant. Also, divorce came with a social stigma, so you stuck with your partner, no matter how badly they behaved. The conversation that we're having now is just starting - people wouldn't have even mentioned stuff like this back then - you suffered in silence. So, good for us, and even better for the younger generations, who actually talk about mental disorders, are waiting to get married and have kids - and are actively worried about screwing their kids up. Sometimes this goes overboard, which is also bad - but in 2 more generations, we'll all be so much better off. The 40 year olds in 40 years will be talking about how their moms bi polar meds that they've been on for years are interacting with their Alz meds. That'll be a big step forward.
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anonymous828521 Jul 2019
Interesting, & thank u jaseroque75. Seems that mankind tried to 'improve', by delaying 'natural causes' of death, & made a supreme mess of it all.
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Children of these types of parents have become caretakers and enablers to the point that we do not take care of ourselves.
I am 58 and have come to the realization I spent most of my life trying to make my impossibly narcissistic mom happy and me unhappy.
I went to therapy to learn boundaries and that is impossible with her in my home.
I found a good home for her and she is going there next month.
I deserve to have a life, so do you my friends. Take it now before you loose any more of it.
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Davina Feb 2019
Good for you, Sandra21. That could have gone on forever but now you have the next 40 years to live it up!
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ExhaustedPiper, Can’tDance (and everyone) – I get what you beautifully share here. I’ve been in therapy off and on for decades. At age 66 I have come to realize that my tortured mother’s biggest love-tribute to her un-wounded maternal instinct is that she never actually directly killed her children. I feel  she was at the brink so many times, and instead locked herself in her room or took trips to her sister’s for days on end.   Some mothers (and fathers I’m sure) knew not what they did. They didn’t know that bringing children into the world would become a prime torture chamber. A true psychopath or malicious narcissist cannot help it, and they cannot be reached or helped. It’s bizarre to have developed fresh compassion and tears for my tortured mother (dead 10 years), but that’s where I am.   My therapist asks, “What about you?” I’m not sure I can ever answer that, but I’m feeling the irony. And my numb/mute/enmeshed/confused/confounded  grief.
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struggling1 Feb 2019
Hi 50's- Ya know, its something I wondered about- where/what will I end up with when she is gone- granted she is 91 and in better health than me, but I let it go thru mind mind about "when" and "what" my reaction will be. Granted, I am "new" to thinking clearly, but where I sit now- I think it will be some sort of "ok" for lack of a better word- because her life is seen to her as the worst thing on the planet. For decades she would scream "my life is cursed" " I just want to F***ing die" " I hate my life"
" ___ has ruined my life" " Im taking every pills in this house" on and on..but those are quotes- constant, daily, and just a few of her favorites. That leave me to believe that when time does come, Mrs. Miserable might finally find some solace. I spent most of my entire life trying to make her happy, it didnt happen, so maybe that will.
I never got any professional help. I was fully convinced "it" was me, I was "the reason"- there was something not right with me and never opened my mouth, due to embarrassing myself, more than my mother could do. That was one of her favorite tools- embarrassment. My first job, she called my boss to pick up my paycheck so I wouldnt buy drugs. WHO bought drugs???? Got an idea how long that job lasted? ( turns out, the real problem was dropping me off and picking me up, so if there is no job....) Puppy love thing I had going, she walked in- we were playing records sitting on the living room floor and she said "oh, you havent pulled your pants down yet? THAT was all over school by 8am....so ya, Im thinking that whatever she has going on in her brain, just might find some relief to finally be done with it. If that is the case, Ill be happy for her. As for me, trying to make her happy was drilled into my head, so despite her best efforts to make me a miserable mini-me- I think it will be ok.
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I think about this a lot. I went to the shrink the other day because I'm having such a hard time accepting and dealing with my mom's situation (dementia, now living next door to me) and I recalled how years ago after my dad's death my mom actually mocked me for going to a psychiatrist then, for my grief issues. What kind of mother does that? I was devastated by my dad's cancer and death- we had a VERY different relationship than I have with my mom. My dad was not a narcissist.

My entire life growing up my mom used guilt to manipulate me into doing what she wanted to to do, for her. When she would get mad or depressed she made me feel responsible to make her feel better. It took me decades to make peace with our past. But now her being in my life 24/7 has brought so many of those old feelings back. I now have to care for a woman who NEVER, ever nurtured me. In fact she was abusive.

This is the worst thing that could have happened to both me and her.

I have no advice, just empathy.

Well, maybe I do have a little bit of advice. Several years back after my mom had her stroke I saw this freight train coming from miles away. I knew the time would come when she would need care and I knew my siblings wouldn't do shit and it would be on me. I read this book called "How to take care of your aging parent when they didn't take care of you" (pretty sure that's the title, I've since thrown it out so my mother couldn't accidentally find it!). My take away from that book is that the situation will be hard, but you can choose to re-frame the relationship dynamic by realizing they are not the same person. She is not the domineering one in command. She is vulnerable and afraid. Basically, making peace with it, again, for the final time.

I like to think that my "reward" will be that when she passes, it will be okay for me to be relieved, and I can feel good that I did the right thing and took care of her when she could no longer do it on her own. My grief will not be the same as it was with my dad. I hope that made sense.
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CantDance Feb 2019
Piper,

Your post made sense! It's tough being the caregiver for the one who not only didn't care for you but actively disliked you and abused you. I always felt like the thorn in Mom's side; an unwanted nuisance, a bother, her competition for Dad's affection. Back in my forties I sought therapy to deal with my "mommy issues." The therapist suggested inviting Mom to one of our sessions, which I did. Mom refused. In part, I suspect it was a generational thing that she mistrusted psychotherapy. Not only that, Mom didn't want a third party brought into our messed-up mother-daughter dynamic. She knew she'd be "outed" for her manipulation and resentment, and that wouldn't do.

What really helped me was to recognize Mom's personality disorder for what it was: a form of mental illness. There was no fix. She'd never change. And as long as I allowed her to call the shots, our relationship would never change. I had to be the one to change. For one thing, if she hurts me, I don't let her see my pain or anger. She loves to provoke a bewildered look or tears. That's her instant gratification, on top of manipulating me to do what she wants. No one but a sick person does that.

Even though Mom puts on a front of self-confidence, she really isn't. She's afraid. Afraid of losing control of the narrative. Afraid people will see through the false self she's constructed and see the person she really is. It's sort of like making a speech in front of a huge audience and imagining them all in their underwear. When I think of her vulnerability, it gives me courage.

So that's how I've "reframed" the relationship. She's no longer in charge of my emotions. I've become a warrior princess. The slings and arrows hit my armor and fall off. When she does the guilt trips, I ignore them. I've gone so far as to say "I don't feel guilty Mom, so you can drop the guilt trip already. I haven't done anything wrong." The look on her face is priceless. Her worst nightmare: She's Lost Control. Oh, Noooooooo!

In the meantime, I've gone low contact. Mom doesn't live with me but lives in a memory care unit. Even though she has dementia, her self-absorption and manipulative behavior are still quite pronounced; in fact she's worse than she was prior to the onset of dementia. So I go see her for brief visits occasionally. Long visits usually end poorly. Short is best.

As the months and years go by, I've mourned what I never had with Mom and never will. When Mom passes I honestly don't know how I'll feel. Some relief, probably. Some regret. Sadness that we never had the mother-daughter relationship I longed for. So I do the best I can for her without sacrificing my sanity. I'll never make her happy. That's impossible. But I can make sure her needs are met and she's cared for properly.

I think how you've framed your response to your mom is sound. You're not alone in this. (((Hugs))))
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My mother has always been difficult and someone I don't like dealing with. I ran away from her at one point but as she aged I came back to find she's never changed and now SHE'S WORSE. I have 4 younger siblings and they have basically left her in my lap. They can ignore because they left her to me ! I have been trying to turn my back to force them to step up but it's taking a toll on me physically and mentally. My father's genes have made me more loving than her. Not easy to ignore this. AND MY SIBLINGS ALL KNOW THIS !
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ExhaustedPiper Feb 2019
Oh I hear you on the siblings. I'm so resentful of mine right now. I know this is petty but I was on Facebook this morning and saw their posts about having a blast at Super Bowel parties. Me? I made dinner and it was me, my husband and my mother, again. I had to get off FB because I got angry that they are freely enjoying life and I can't. In fact I think I'm going to delete my FB all together so I never have to see that stuff.

This has altered my relationship with them, and not for the better.
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Well, our current culture of narcissism had to come from somewhere. Narcissism is believed to come from either of too extremes. Either the person was deprived by not being given enough emotional attention or they were led to believe that they were more special than others. It may have something to do with the day in which children were to be seen but not heard.
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There is a YouTube series on Femenism history, by Blue Collar Logic. He gives his take on how our culture and society has transformed and shifted in the last few generations. Interesting analysis.
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Keriana Apr 2019
Thank you I will look up Blue Collar Logic:)
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Answer to your question, "What the h##l happened?" Old age happened!
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I'm almost 60 and my mom is 80 now. She suffers from depression and anxiety and absolutely went through some terrible times before she married and had us in the late 1950's. (She is also incredibly manipulative) Back then, the traumas she suffered through weren't discussed (abuse, assault, neglect, etc.), they were swept under the rug and shushed. Later, when my older brother (the prized male child) died shortly after birth, she just crumbled. She was given medication and that was it. This was in the 60's, the prescription meds were pretty wild. We now know that no one in my family can take antidepressants, we don't do well on them. Women's liberation didn't arrive in our little town until at least the 80's. Times were different then. Our childhood was hellish. Our adult lives were hellish when it came to our mom. All of us kids have had therapy and moved about as far away as possible just to build some life. We all distanced ourselves from each other in order to simply survive. I do remember trying to get help for the family in the 70's but people simply didn't want to believe our home life was that bad. That was normal back then.
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I dont know,i am from a generation where, we. the daughters took care of family. i was lucky. i divorced, became a Rn @ 38, a social worker @ 58 .i did this without help,I raise an ungrateful son and if this,is is not a kick in the ass i am in need of a care giver. and the people are the worst, abusive not qualitified ,and just last night, one went to jail for comeing to my home high and continued to get high until i called the police. i get people who are abusive,and dangerious. I am helpless and have to depend on the agenices to send me qualitified help. But i do that some how i am going to let my Boro president, congressman, an any one who will listen that i want change in the home care angicies. so, sorry. i did not answer your question just vented.
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Heather10 Jan 2019
Simpatico:

I am sorry to hear about your issues with home care.

It is true, I hear this story a lot. Many homecare people are dangerous or inept.

I do not know what to tell you to fix things. But, it is a common complaint.
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Hi strugging - you recent post " Hi, Struggling1 here- you are so right. This forum saved my life. I too thought I was Gods garbage, something no one wanted, including my mother."  is awesome.!!!!

I am so happy to see that you have reached this place in your life. Amen to everything you said. My narc mother passed in December and the first thing I felt was relief. I still feel it. A huge burden has lifted ((((((hugs)))) to you and all of us.
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struggling1 Jan 2019
Hi, THANK YOU amen and hugs to you as well. Seriously, where I am from where i came was such a hard road, but once I hit this thread......life changed for me, in such a big way. HUGE!

It now my turn to give back to those who reached out to us and let them know THEY got thru to me. I say that with love and affection to a bunch of people so battered and emotionally, physically and financially beaten, split marriages, ruined careers!

THESE are the people who dragged me into daylight from a dark place. I am the proof that we do still- despite others actions- STILL have the guts to be human, to care, to give a dam about a total stranger face down in the mud!

To all who took the hurt, thank you for your best, thank you for being honest, being real, putting your worse life moments out there, you are amazing and I for one will always be here for those who still havent found light in this tunnel.
I am glad you are at peace! xoxoxox
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I think this is interesting. My mom and my MIL are both very difficult to deal with. My mom feels we owe her and should do all kinds of stuff for her. My MIL is competitive with her friends and feels we need to do stuff for her so she can brag about how attentive we are. In childhood she browbeat my DH to be what she wanted him to be so she could brag about him. We have set boundaries with both moms. We have had to bring in the cement trucks and steel beams to reinforce those boundaries as they push hard over and over.

My mom always told me "never have children" because she got stuck as a housewife and dad refused to let her work outside the home. My MIL always told my DH he was to blame that she was not able to leave his dad and move back to the old country.

Yet - these two had mothers that were great. Perhaps they did too much for their daughters which made them entitled B$&ches?? These grandmothers have always treated us with respect and kindness and just kind of enjoyed watching us turn out into the people we are.

Could it be alternating generations? I wonder what my son will say about me!!!
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rovana Apr 2019
Kimber, I've wondered if part of the difficulty is that the women's movement came along, horizons were widened, but so many women were not able, for various reasons, to reach out and grab new opportunities.  They had to sit and watch the freedom of some other women and were resentful.
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Thanks for posting this. I just found all of you yesterday...
Thank you for sharing, everyone.
I'm a daughter of privileged 84 yr old, difficult-as-can-be, impossible, mean, old, narcissistic woman who has dementia and who blames everyone and anyone for everything. And if she can't see anything that's wrong she'll come up with something, that's for sure. She will find someone to spew venom all over also.
It is only getting worse, so feel very lucky to have a sister to share the load.
Best wishes everyone.
Thanks for sharing your stories and for listening to this one.
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Lonelyone67...I feel your pain & hurt. I go through the same situation with my mother. Just feel I am only good enough to help her when she needs it. Having a manipulative sister (who is moms favorite) in the role playing doesn't help with matters. I remember having to have surgery and my mom says..I thought we were over this shit. I bawled all the way home but she is who she is and like someone posted you can only change yourself which I am working on. Its like being on a dead end road & your the broken down car. At least we can say we did our best.
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anonymous872545 Jan 2019
Wow! That sound bite could have been with our mother too. Rude, just plain wrong and inappropriate. Every situation anyone is going through or talking about is only about her. Hang in there.. less is more. Less contact, more sanity. Main focus is to live your life, your way. Self-care. (pep-talk reminders constantly to not get roped in to the "endless well of need.")
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Thank you Struggling1 for posting this. It is the carrot like someone else said here. Such deep pain poured out on this, it helps to see love does survive.
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struggling1 Jan 2019
Hi, Struggling1 here- you are so right. This forum saved my life. I too thought I was Gods garbage, something no one wanted, including my mother. The folks in this forum stopped the insanity in my head. TOTAL strangers pour their heart and wisdom out here and at the age of 60 it finally sunk in. I learned I dont have to like her, never mind have any love for her- but I can see to it she has everything she needs; because she is a living breathing thing. It is ME being more human than she is, and I have taken the higher road. For decades, I got dragged along the road she chose, no more. I can see her twisting in the sewer of swill she spews and now walk away AND leave it there with her, when I walk away. It does bring a smile to your face when you walk away, knowing " ya, you need me, I DONT need you". At one point, during my "changing phase" I grabbed the mirror off her bathroom counter and handed it to her. I said to her, Ive been here for an hour, you havent even said hello- you started barking at me when I walked in the door. HERE, this is all you need, talk to your best friend" and I walked out the door. I didnt call or see her for a few days, and when I did she never said a word. I did get a smile when I saw the mirror back in the bathroom. Hmmmmmmm! So, lets be honest- it never changed her cuz she has done her usual crap after that, but the grin I had on my face went ear to ear. I could tell, the advice and honestly from this site was sinking in and working. Keep reading, keep posting, ask the questions you dont really know how to put together, whatever it takes for you to leave the hurt here on this site, in good hands, with others you share our issues.
One more thing while Im being honest- for years, given this relationship....I figured out the reason I was taking this crap was waiting/hoping to fix (something in her) to get this into a mother daughter thing, especially being an only child. I was living, almost in fear of the shoulda woulda coulda's when she died. The mess I would be, when time ran out to fix things. Well, dahhhhh! Thats gone too. She prefers to find injustice in kindness, doesnt trust care and compassion. She is lazy, wont shower or care for herself, prefers to be naked ( yup, I said that) and at 91 yrs old- 340lbs, its an eye full. I have to fight with her to get her into a shower, every 6 weeks or so. She smells! Hair all over the place, just ugh! She will turn down every invite so she does not have to do one dam thing and the flips the miserable switch b/c other accept invites and go. So, when her time comes, I intend to have her dressed to the nines and send her off to eternity, my way.
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Maybe when "we" are the difficult moms, we'll know!
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And yet again I come back to this question looking for answers. Just came from helping my mother. She was in a mood..didn't say much to me...didn't engage in conversation. She had me help her move some things and then opened the door for me to leave. I try not to get depressed but I am so tired of feeling the hurt. I am never good enough.
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CantDance Jan 2019
Onlyone,

Some parents withhold approval to manipulate their children into doing more and more for them, keeping them running for the carrot just out of reach. It's also a power trip for them.

You are good enough. You always have been. You will never, ever, get your mom's approval, because once you get it, she's lost her power over you. Go find your own carrot and love yourself. You can't change your mom, but you can change yourself.
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Oh hon I do feel your pain. Call it The Great Depression . Call it family like mine who immigrated here from Italy. Ugh I just pray that we won't be that way for our kids. Just went through that and cousin's are too. Know that you are not responsible for dementia, just do the best for you , lovingly get them help
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