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I am the difficult neighbor, I am the difficult employee, I am the difficult family member. I hate my life and I hate myself nowadays.


My older sister moved out of state 40 years ago. My older brother moved out of state 35 years ago. When Mom got older and had physical problems, I moved back, both for her and for my child who needed a home to start adulthood in (I was in the Army then).


I have a job that asks for 150% effort due to Federal government deadlines. Mom can't walk well and a physical therapist is beginning to come to our home twice a week. My 21-year-old grandson moved in with us, and frankly, he's pretty much useless around the house and home. I'm tired. I'm tired of having to unpack gifts from brother and sister to my Mom and having to bag them, wrap them, or put them in a vase and water. I'm tired of having to buy all the groceries. I'm tired of nobody giving me suggestions for what to make or buy for dinner. I'm tired of working for a thankless government job. I'm tired of Mom asking me to buy and pack gifts for her out-of-state children, of her insisting I find the right storage container, making dinner her way, hearing her complain of her minor aches and pains. I have lost all my friends and any kind of social life at all.


And really, it has come to the point that I just about hate everybody. I feel like I am going crazy,

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I often don't like the person I've become. I saw it many years ago in my aunt, and I see glimpses of her in myself sometimes; totally unacceptable things like screaming because I get frustrated with my mother's near deafness. It's unacceptable and I don't like it. I sometimes can't get those things out of my head.
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All answers here were great❤️ I would like to suggest that you ask siblings to contribute to her care by sending money to hire help- house keeper, aide, sitter, etc. I’m sure you are contributing much more than you know financially since she lives with you. Ask for an amount that is a sacrifice for them- you are sacrificing. And if mom has $ for gifts she has money for help with her care. Lay some rules down and stick to them, like telling her NO negative comments-if she can’t say something positive- say nothing, it’s ok I’d she gets mad.. maybe she will insist on moving in with one of your siblings.
grandson needs to help regularly around the house AND pay rent and part of utilities if he wants to say. I once had a counselor say to me that if I really didn’t like my situation, I would change it.
Be brave, tAke the first step immediately
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It sounds like you don’t want to be “that”employee, friend, neighbor, person that you write about.

The things that that are bothering you are not the kind of things that should be making you so sad — putting flowers in a vase? Maybe they were sent for your enjoyment too. Are you really upset that your Mom is buying other people gifts? If these types of things are causing you anxiety, you probably need medical help.

You are are the only person with the power to change your treatment of others, your actions, your life. . .

There are two routes to happiness (1) change your expectations (be happy where you are by changing your outlook), or (2) change your circumstances.

You cannot change others or their behaviors, (but you can impact the way they feel about you).

Why not choose to be “the other kind of” neighbor, employee and friend. Maybe you will like the results better.
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I have been told resentment is the warning you are giving too much.

I have learned the caregiving role can have massive mission creep.

Please keep seeking advice & practical help.

There are many ways to be a caregiver. Not everyone does the 24/7 live-in model. Being a loving visitor to Mum (being cared for in AL or NH) is also caring - just in a different way.
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anonymous828521 Jun 2019
@Beatty. Well said😳
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Forgotten: That sounds like a lot of stress that you are under. Can you seek out a counselor? Big ((( ))) Hugs!
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Hugs to you Forgotten2, you're under a lot of stress and worn out, as anyone would be in your shoes. Please don't hate yourself. Please see yourself with compassion - as a human whose doing the best you can under very difficult circumstances.
I often dislike myself at the end of the day - I'm just not patient enough with my dementia mother and difficult father. At the end of the day I say to myself I will try better tomorrow, but it's all I can do - like you, I'm doing the best that I can.

Please remember to care for yourself. I know it's almost impossible to find the time, but somehow you have to figure out a way. And know you are not alone, there are many of us going through similar circumstances and feelings.
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Firstly I think you are so overwhelmed and fed up over feeling like you are being used that you are used up!! Does the place where you work offer EAP? (Employee assistance program)? It’s a way to get some free counseling. That said start feeling better by setting new ground rules. You are head of the household and it should be your way or the highway (sort of for lack of better words)
1. Grandson: not sure why he is living there but he won’t learn responsibility and adulting skills (which are sorely lacking in this generation) unless being given some. Make a list of his new duties. He can also learn to start dinner. If my mom could teach us when we were in high school while she worked there is no reason he can’t learn. On top of that he will learn a valuable skill.
2. I agree with the other poster who said to level with your sibs on the gifts. They probably send gifts out of guilt for not being there. Tell them gift cards for meals or Amazon is better. Mom can order and have gifts sent via online shipping. Tell them you are out of the gift wrap and shipping business. It has closed.
these are a few things but you get the drift. You need to set some serious boundaries with everyone and feel like you have control. Book a massage a month and have that be your spa day. Do not let family interfere and sonny can watch great granny. Go out with a friend once a month. Make one day a week a "ME day" and tell them that is the new standard. The reason you hate everyone, yourself and your life is because you have NO JOY and no control. You are being taken advantage of. But if you keep playing by the old rules you will continue to spiral down and how is that working for you? It’s not is it? This is an oldie but good truism...Dr. Phil said "we teach people how to treat us" and boy have they ever learned. When you teach them the new way...watch your spirit improve.
Please keep coming but also please tell us what solutions you’ve clicked with. You can do this...NO is not a dirty word. It’s ok to put yourself first for a change. No one is going to die because you make new rules.
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You're really tired. Caring for others is exhausting. As far as your son please read the book, Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children.
Your mother may be better at a nursing home/assisted living facility. Medicaid could be an option financially but you would have to investigate that in your state. You obviously need to get away from the stress.
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I worked for the Government, the Forest Service, they have a Concern Program or something like that. Use that for 5 free, anonymous sessions. That may get you started.
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Thank you for your service. While I've certainly hated myself and who I've become in the past I do not feel like that now.

It's a horrible feeling yet it tells me you are a good person. Your just in a difficult position.

You have two options. Use your energy to save yourself or hire someone to help you. Sometimes you can even get some help at low cost.

I recommend https://1stmeridiancareservices.com who is owned by my friend Kym. She hired me almost 5 years ago and I've learned so much from her and her staff on how to care for myself, my father and my daughter. After my father in-law passed from lung cancer I was a mess. She helped me and maybe she can help you too. Give her a call.
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I was you a couple years ago. Get some counseling and some Lexapro. Clarity will give you the ability to do what you need to care for yourself and clean up your emotions in dealing with your situation. My life isn't perfect now and I'm still dealing with a 95 year old mom in addition to the rest of life but once I took care of myself, the rest became easier. I'm off the Lexapro and life is pretty good. Best of luck to you. You're not alone Take care of yourself.
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Tell the grandson to help or move out - even if he did laundry, vaccumming, dishes etc that would relieve you of lots of stress/mess - you are enabling his bad behavior because you don't insist that he pitch in -

Is he paying rent? ... if he was living with friends he would have to do some of these jobs so it should also be with you - if he isn't or just minimal then he must earn his keep -

Explain that jobs not done properly will have to be re-done until they reach an acceptable level - because there are those who will purposely do a bad job so that they aren't asked again = lazy guy

He'll gripe that it takes too long but practice makes perfect & after a few times he'll be able to do it efficiently - give him praise if done right & gentle constructive criticism when he doesn't meet standards .... think training a puppy [LOL]
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MaryKathleen May 2019
I agree 100% with you about the grandson. If he won't step up, he is out. He is a 21 year old MAN, not a kid. To let him continue his laziness is not preparing him for the real world. It is one thing to visit Grandma's house, another to live there.

I have a granddaughter that is making poor life choices. If she asked to "stay" here, I am going to tell her, she can visit for a night or 2, but she can't stay here. She won't pull her weight and I won't put up with it.
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Forgotten 2, Thank you for serving our country. Big hug out to you, I know how you feel.
 
It is hard to be the adult in the situation. I am in a similar situation and I do not like who I have become either.
 
My day to day is not bad and dad is ambulatory but dealing with the financial side and the household side has brought me into a person who cares a whole lot less these days. Oldest brother nonexistent. Sister? She is the Disney parent, by that I mean when he does visit her (2 times a year) she takes him to the winery’s, out to dinner, pays for his cell phone every month. He sees her 2 times a year. Never calls me and when she does. I get lectured.
 
Daughter and now X son-in-law moved in for 2 years in the middle of all this. they are both out now. It has been 5 years dealing with this. I am here 24/7 as I run my business from home. I gave up my beautiful home office so he can have a beautiful living room and I am stuck in the basement.
 
I deal with shopping for food, cooking home cooked meals every night. Dealing with his finance when he runs out of money every month. Driving an hour and a half to get his cell phone he lost. Getting him a car when his just died and he has no money for one (our daughters car no less which he thinks is his now).
 
The snide remarks, the closing of the laundry room door when we ask to keep it open to dry clothes. Cleaning the pee on the floor, his leaving dirty laundry in his living room on the floor, cleaning toilets when he eats too much fruit. He wont clean any part of his living accommodations, bedroom, bathroom living room. The smell emanating from his bedroom is awful! He washed clothes every few weeks (I have 50 pairs of underwear he says, yeah after a week it is gut wrenching). Not being able to go away for a weekend form our home and not being able to entertain our friends. The biggest issue no privacy. Says he cant hear well, he hears everything and repeats it everywhere.  
 
I snap at him, I talk low, I grumble. I have to whisper in our home as he hears one thing and calls all the family to tattle. 
 
My family has pretty much cut me off from communication. He tells them things that are not quite true here (we are 8 hours from family). He asked to live with me as there was no choice, no money, no plan, no one to step up.
 
Yeah, I have become the person I do not like very much.
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Bikegirl Jun 2019
You're not alone, I am dealing with similar challenges and no help. Feeling guilty, angry, sad or frustrated steadily erodes the terrific people we are (and we must be for volunteering for this kind of "active" duty). Sense of humor? That was the first thing to go. Spontaneity? Uh, nope! Sense of awe or wonder that life used to provide? No, don't feel that.

Don't know you, but I recognize you, and I love you for be being honest about the reality of caring. Big hugs to all who do this service.
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As others have said, bottomless thanks for your service to all of us.  NEXT: take care of you because no one else is.  (I'm great at giving that advice, terrible at taking it).  Just like the attendant says at the start of each flight, put your own oxygen mask on first before trying to assist others.  We all need to aspire to this application in our lives.  I'm at the end of my rope and yes, becoming 'that' person-bitter, tired, argumentative, out of shape...there are days it nearly immobilizes me.  This group 'gets it' when no one else does.  I'm 14 years into my caregiver role-my husband at 54 is losing ground fast and I am admitting to myself I am starting look forward to an assisted living scenario for him.  I want my life back.  Put your mask on first.  Breath deeply.  You don't have to continue this indefinitely.
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As others have said, bottomless thanks for your service to all of us.  NEXT: take care of you because no one else is.  (I'm great at giving that advice, terrible at taking it).  Just like the attendant says at the start of each flight, put your own oxygen mask on first before trying to assist others.  We all need to aspire to this application in our lives.  I'm at the end of my rope and yes, becoming 'that' person-bitter, tired, arguementive, out of shape...there are days it nearly immobilizes me.  This group 'gets it' when no one else does.  I'm 14 years into my caregiver role-my husband at 54 is losing ground fast and I am admitting to myself I am starting look forward to an assisted living scenario for him.  I want my life back.  Put your mask on first.  Breath deeply.  You don't have to continue this indefinitely.
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OMG I hear yah. I just want a thank you or a phone call from her other 2 sons that moved down south to see how my 97 year old MIL Really is doing. I have my own illness and family so I'm at a point where I think she might outlive me. I use to be happy, fun to be around. I have changed to a hollow shell called upon to do what is ALL necessary for this women at her beck and call. As her daughter in law. I really want to walk but I love my husband and can only look for a better future. Try to think Happy thoughts!
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Dear Forgotten2:
Firstly, thank you so much for your military service. Greatly appreciated.

Caring for aging parents was for me a totally thankless job as well, with no assistance from my siblings, except to complain about what I did or didn't do from a 1000+ miles away!. (My sister actually sued me for elder abuse after my mom died. She is a sitting judge and she and I have never gotten along. The best part of this story is that she lost! Only legal case up to that time that she had ever lost.--but the Judge for our case saw right through her. I was fortunate, she could have sided with my sister as a colleague. At one point during the trial she actually told my sister to be quiet and sit down!)

My experience was not exactly like yours, but the frustrations are the same regardless of the circumstances, it seems. Never seem to please them, and can't figure out how.

HERE ARE A FEW THOUGHTS:

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY: I wish I had some magical answers to your situation. The best one I learned after many months was not to feel guilty if I could not meet their needs, or they would not respond to my suggestions, and kept getting into trouble. The outcome is not your fault or responsibility.

KNOW THE LAW: I suggest that you do know the Elder Abuse laws in your state. Don't get caught up in trying to do (or not do) something in a way that could be construed as neglect or abuse. I think that is some of what saved me from my sister's suit. I know more about that law than she did.

PICK YOUR BATTLES: IN addition to having helped a parent through Alzheimer's, and generally failed, I am an RN who has worked with seniors all my life. It made not one whit of difference when I finally ended up in the caregiver mode. Because one cannot predict or put sibling response to one's actions in a box. They are all over the place. All the years of advice-giving, and little of it worked for me. But mostly I was able to learn to walk away from some problems. My dad cooked meals. He has for most of their lives. But he was getting old and tired. he did not want my help. Mom often had very little to eat. There was nothing I could do about it, and finally I was able to not worry about it. concern never left , but for that particular area, I was not in charge. Pick your battles.

SET TIME LIMITS: From reading your notes, and between the lines, the next thing I would suggest is when you are helping mom, SET TIME LIMITS. Ask her to tell you all the things she needs help with at this particular time. Then ask what is most important for right now. Remind her of your time limit for this "session" then go to work addressing her most important need. If you feel that something else is more important at this time, such as eating a meal, or sorting and setting up her medications, suggest that you work on that one first, then get to the one she suggests when you have finished the most important physical needs. (Mom before we get to....lets just have lunch. I can make....) I have learned to set aside about 10 - 15 minutes more time than I actually tell a person. They don't know that, so they think you only have 20 minutes. You really have 30 and completing the task stretches to 30 or35 minutes, but you are not stressed, because that is how much time you planned out of your day anyway. Often, if you do what is most important for their basic care needs--medications, light meal, shower, laundry- which can be done while doing something else, cleaning up from incontinence--they will forget what they wanted done, or right it off because you have done something else that also needed to be done, and they generally feel better. But if not? remember the basic guidelines, of NO guilt, time limits and pick your battles. All the best.
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My brother, facing down a diagnosis of probable Lewy's Bodies Dementia, is in assisted living. I fully recognize that just handling the financial end as Trustee and POA is overwhelming for me. I could never manage in home care in any way. I was a nurse, and I know that I could never do this 24/7.
What kind of surprises me is that on any thread there are so many going through exactly what you describe in some form or another. Here we have this site to share with one another, but in our own towns there is apparently no support whatsoever for someone to perhaps get a bit of a respite from care, in the same way kids go on playdate and Mom is free for the day. That is sad to me. Our communities are failing us, or we are failing to CREATE community that cares and helps. I keep thinking there must be a way to do this that doesn't involve money, which is always so short. I am so sorry for all you are going through. Recently read a book by a psychologist who herself went to a psychologist when in crisis. In the book it is said that we should attempt to look on our feelings as weather fronts that come through, either worse or not so bad, lasting a little bit of time, or longer, but certain to change. If you are under the clouds or floods permanently I think it is time to seek help to comb out what must be done for your own survival. You aren't crazy. You are overwhelmed.
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JudinWA May 2019
Hi AlvaDeer:
thank you for your insight to Forgotten2.

I think your have answered your own question or observation. We all need some type of support. In the "olden days" families lived together and there were always several people around to help. In addition, every one had chores, and as a person aged, there were always tasks that could be done from carding wool, to sorting beans. And few people worried about being bored. But the point is that there were almost always people around so no-one was alone. Then came both the move west and the industrial revolution, and families began to split up, until we have spread so far apart both geographically and emotionally that we have lots of seniors and children with little or no support. and we have not created communities that help. There is some step towards that with Adult day care and medicaid for the poorest among us. And that only works in some states. But we no longer have caring extended families or communities that can help. I don't have an answer. And if one has very little money there is even less assistance. But you are also right when you say that Forgotten2 is not crazy, but overwhelmed. Sometimes some that can be helped simply with a few tricks of time management, choosing not to feel guilty when one cannot meet all needs/demands, and setting time limits for helping and prioritizing needs.
Caregivng is a demanding job, much like childrearing.
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While it’s not pleasant to hear many people angry, resentful, frustrated and hopeless. There is comfort in knowing that it’s not unusual to feel this way, or that it’s just not me handling things poorly. I see many of my mothers less respectable personality traits magnified, and much of the kindness she may have had at one point practically gone. I have become so resentful of her, angry for the way I allow her to treat me and yes, angry in general and as if I’m going CRAZY! I find myself screaming and swearing into thin air to allow myself to release some of the tension.
I’m trying desperately to use this experience to gain personal strength and coping skills. I’m also hopeful that becoming nasty, thankless and ungrateful is not a natural part of the aging process. And that this awful experience in my life, when I’m supposed to be enjoying my life of hard work, is a lesson in not becoming the person I never want to become.
Strength to all and kudos to us for being there for someone else when many turn and walk away. I trust our caring and compassion will stay with us and that karma is a real thing!
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Dear Forgotten2, I totally understand that feeling. My mum is 83 with dementia. I do everything. My mum’s mobility is very poor, her diet is dreadful and her memory has completely gone. I shop for all her food, clothes, pay her bills remember her friends as well as all the family birthdays, organise Christmas, order her meds and toilet products, keep on top of all her medical appointments and take time off to take her to her appointments. She is extremely grateful for everything I do but it’s forgotten in minutes. I have several siblings and they don’t even visit. It would be nice if they would remember to think of me on my birthday! It’s not the same buying your own card. I have no life of my own, how can I go out and spend time with friends when my life revolves around uneaten meals, wet beds and constantly repeating the same conversation. I envy people who do what they want at weekends. I’m concerned that I will see my mum through this dreadful illness only to find I have it myself. This has gone on for seven years so far and during that time I’ve overlooked my own health and fitness. Meanwhile, everyone else just carries on with their life, going away for weekends and nice days out and they can do it all because we pick up the pieces. I’m going to make sure that my children never find theirselves in the same position. Do people say “make sure you look after yourself”? They say that to me but I have not idea how that’s supposed to happen. There’s no time to do anything for myself. It’s not nice to know that others are in the same situation but it’s comforting to know they understand and recognise how you feel.
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No real help from me, but you are not alone. I can’t believe the person I have become to someone I love. But I hear you loud and clear and have most of the same problems that you described.
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JudinWA May 2019
I have most of the same problems as well. I dis not like the person I became around my Father while he was attempting to care for my mom. She had Dementia, unspecified, but I suspect Lewy body. He was mostly neglectful refusing to care for her colostomy, unable to manage money--she had done it all their lives, and unwilling to give her medications. It became an on-going battle between he and I to make sure she got the care she needed. In the end I failed. She died about a year after I finally walked away. It was so hard, because I knew she was not getting care she needed. My brother and sister lived more than 1000 miles away each in different directions, and they gave me no support, except to complain about what I did, instead of responding when I asked for help or suggestions. Neither one of them stepped up to the plate, and I moved back to their home town to help. I became an very nasty person, so frustrated because I could not get help, and whatever I did I was wrong. Makes me cry to this day. But I do not feel guilty any longer. Took a while, though.
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I'm becoming increasingly dissatisfied with the person I am becoming. Angry and resentful, with a touch of hopelessness/helplessness. I don't have a lot of support
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I don’t like the person my Mom has turned me into! I’ve become someone I barely recognize since she moved in 8 mos ahi. Not fair to my husband & our life. I hope you’ll take the many suggestions & support you’ll get on this site. I hope soon we can all love ourselves again!
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You will find as you search this site that there are many of us that feel the same. I was astonished that there were others going through the same crap with a parent. I blew up today, I hate it when I do but my mom has always treated me like crap & here I am 70 years of age & she continues. She’s in my home & I don’t cook right, clean right, etc & I’m so exhausted. I take her places & she complains constantly, never mind that I have to physically life her into the car. She’s so selfish!! So, I understand. Mom never planned for retirement, she got fired at 56 & never went back to work so she’s had a “retirement” since 56. I retired at 65 & still waiting to have mine. She will kill me first!
I applied for Medicaid for her, she will be going to a nursing home probably within 30 days. I don’t feel guilty anymore. Something to think about. You owe yourself a life!! If no one around you is helping, they can go too!! Be kind to yourself. Stay on this site, you will have a lot of support.
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forgotten2

Firstly, on this Memorial Day especially, thank you for your service!!

Now to to the issue at heart, my dear, don't be so hard on yourself. Clearly, for the care you extend, you are not a difficult person. You are a good person who is simply in a difficult situation. Remember that!

You have received some great ideas here ... Simplify the meals (if you don't like it, don't eat it), draw up some "to do's" for the grand or else..., get a part time caregiver in there, gift cards are a great suggestion, talk to a counselor, and most of all, don't beat yourself up! Try to be thankful for your job as it gets you out of the house and gives you other avenues for your thinking. Life is a journey, sometimes awesome, sometimes difficult.

Finally, Remember, you are not alone.

I care for my 88 year old mother in my home. Was married for a month before my mom moved in with us, four years ago. I, unfortunately, am no longer working and miss it terribly. I feel I am withering away just like her, and there are days when I feel emotionally that I can no longer care for her. But ... I know me and I have to be at peace with the decisions I make and right now, putting her in a home is not something I want to do. Though sometimes, I close my eyes and escape for a moment or two and picture her in a home or better yet picture that her journey is done. How are those for thoughts from a loving daughter? See, you are not alone!

Hang in there - you will get through this!!!!
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RitaDenise May 2019
sometimes I picture my mom gone too.
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Then why haven't you hired in home help? Why haven't you looked for a fulfilling job? Why haven't you talked to someone about how your burned out? Please, please, please do these things. They'll help you feel better.
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JudinWA May 2019
Why are you making her the bad guy? So accusatory. So frustrating to read responses like this. Certainly these are good suggestions, but put in a very condescending way that is very off-putting.
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To the title question, yes. I am there and understand where you are coming from. Just in a different way. Before I had to start caretaking for my father and stepmother, I was an awesome freaking mom to my four kids. Chores got done, kids got ran around to their stuff, holidays were just...more. 5 years into caretaking, with stepmother having passed a couple years ago and my father now in a care home, I stepped back from caregiving and thought things could go back to normal. Instead I've spent the better part of 6 months trying to recover. I'm not the mom to my kids I once was. I can barely get out of the house to grocery shop, laundry is a monster task, and I loathe when kids tell me about something they need to go to. I hate this about myself. Especially now that my oldest will be graduating high school and enlisting in the military next year. So much to try to do, yet I can't bring myself to do more that real bare minimum. I want to be that awesome mom again, but my dad drained everything out of me. I've been seeing a counselor who is helping me understand the recovery process for extreme caregiver burnout with shades of abuse that was heaped upon me. I really hope you can find some help too, and try to be patient with yourself. You're doing your best with the circumstances you have.
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KatPie May 2019
I feel you. My 89 year old mother had a stoke last summer and is bedridden. She's been home with me (her house) since end of October. I worked full time and was in school full time. Now that classes have ended I have more time, but zero energy or ambition. It takes me a full week or two to work up to cooking a meal for myself. I pray a lot (not enough, for sure) for the rage and resentment to subside (they have but not entirely) and for her to move on before classes resume in the fall. I wish you the best. You ARE awesome.
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You can start appreciating yourself more right now.
You have performed all these duties to the extent that you may have burnout.
You need to stop, and save yourself first.
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You can ask the family to send Amazon gift cards, Uber gift cards, etc. which will allow shopping online, say because you need some groceries delivered. However, your gifts have been welcomed by mother, and very generous.

Everyone will save time and money changing this tradition of gift giving.

There is no need to explain how hard it is on you. It leaves you open to criticism if any in your family are narcissists.
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It isn’t clear from your question just how capable your mother is now. Some of the responses assume that you are doing things that she is quite able to do herself. If that’s the situation, stop. But I doubt if it is.

I also doubt if your brother and sister know how you feel about the ‘presents’. They probably don’t have a clue, because they wouldn’t be sending them if they knew how you feel. One step you could take is to let them know. Perhaps you could write something along the lines of this: ‘I was talking to someone I met about how mother likes most of your presents, but how they have turned into a real problem for me... particularly when she insists that I organise presents for her to send in return. The suggestion I got was that I should really explain it to you, so I am going to try. Please don’t be offended, but it’s like this….”. Include suggestions for some other things they could do, including phoning at agreed times that you think would be good, and also something that you would enjoy too – for example paying for a take-out delivered dinner from the best joint in town.

With luck they will respond helpfully. Don’t send the first draft you write, and keep it nice. With even better luck they might be more understanding of how this is working out for you, and find other ways to be supportive.

There is no way to make this problem (or the trials in your job) go away completely, but try to chip away at difficult bits if you can. Little wins can be a real boost.
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Harpcat May 2019
Your answer was great! I hope she takes your advice. This madness needs to stop and get under control!!
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