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We are moving my father into Independent Care in two days.
Its uses a walker, has Parkinson's and his short term memory is getting bad. He needs to keep a lot of notes, and refers to them often, and runs through it with me multiple times every time we talk.
though he’s probably able to live alone, the family, and his doctors feel he would be better in a senior living. He was isolated and depressed at home as well.



He wants to visit the house to make sure he has everything he needs.
he also wants to hold onto the house in case he decides to move back.
The house is in my name.



is it best to not bring him for a visit?
what is the best way to talk to him about selling the house?

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Bring him to see his old house. He more than deserves it. Please don’t sell the house, if at all possible financially. It has so much sentimental value, and he might indeed want to move back. Maybe he can get in-home care.

There are exceptions, but many people lose their will to live in a facility (also Independent Care).
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anonymous1732518 Jul 2023
Ain't that the truth regarding your second paragraph

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Where is he living now? Independent Care? Is that an independent apartment? But in a facility? Are there other levels of care available onsite?

When my mother lived with me and started with dementia, I had to do similar things like going through her notes and going over EVERYTHING multiple times and she still could not remember much of anything.

I'm not sure how a visit to the house will go. Could be sad but not horrible or could be a complete disaster. I would be really anxious about doing it.

Do NOT make any promises about keeping the house. He has Parkinson's and it is extremely unlikely that moving back into this house would be a good idea. I would NOT talk to him about selling or not selling the house. The house is in your name so you can sell it. I assume this would be money to use for his new living arrangements. It's going to be need to be paid for somehow. With his memory issues, I think it's best to just give vague answers about selling the house.

Best of luck.
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When you say, ‘independent care’ are you referring to a senior citizen apartment building or ‘independent living’ that is connected to an ‘assisted living’ facility?

If he is having trouble remembering many things, why isn’t he moving into an assisted living facility?

Even if he didn’t have memory issues, he will eventually need more assistance due to his Parkinson’s disease.

My mom had Parkinson’s disease. She died at the age of 95 in a hospice care home. The final stages of Parkinson’s disease are quite challenging.

Are you planning on asking his doctor to order home health so he can build up his strength and work on helping him with balancing issues. This helped my mother tremendously. The physical and occupational therapist will do exercises specifically for Parkinson’s patients.
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I do hope by independent u really mean Assisted living. I don't see where u Dad could live independently. That usually means they can do for themselves. Your Dad seems to need help.
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Because of his short-term memory impairment, I would not bring him to visit. What for? He's been living in it for a long time and 1 more visit won't change anything except to put a fine point on this loss. And then he may not remember that you took him, and will ask again and might keep asking. He may also have a tantrum when he's visiting, and refuse to leave.

As for a discussion about selling the house, I would not be talking to him about it, for similar memory reasons. If he asks about it you can tell him whatever you think will calm him, as long as it's not about him moving back.

"He wants to visit the house to make sure he has everything he needs." You tell him the house has been completely emptied so there's nothing to check. Tell him everything else is in storage.

"...he also wants to hold onto the house in case he decides to move back.
The house is in my name." You can tell him something like, "we'll see what the financial planner says", or "we really can't because the cost of upkeep and insurance will be unaffordable" etc. Then change the topic.
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I would not bring him to the old homestead, no reason to as you can bring him whatever he needs.

If the house is in your name you can sell it anytime you want, however, if he should need Medicaid there is a look back period and they are savvy to moving homes into another's name to avoid having to repay their payments to homes,

I do not understand IL as to me he beyond that classification, sounds more like AL.

Good Luck!
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