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Mom is 88, has mobility issues, and lives with us in our old Victorian- only a very small half bath on the first floor where she stays. The dining room is her bedroom, and she had a bedside commode for nighttime. For the past year or so we’ve had “code browns,” increasing in frequency, to about one a week or so. They always happen in the bathroom, which is TINY, and the e both can’t fit in there. It necessitates cleaning her a bit, getting her to the commode, cleaning her up, then cleaning the bathroom, and usually the carpet between the bathroom and the dining room. I clean her up but it’s really difficult- she’s obese, can’t move much, and is really not pleasant to deal with. Nonetheless, I am happy to do it. However, I work from home 3 days a week, but two days a week I’m in the office, a half hour away. I’m PETRIFIED she’ll have one of these situations when I’m at work, and she’s stuck on the toilet. She’s resistant about speaking with the doctor, but is there anything we can do? She always wears Depends, as she’s also urine incontinent. Is there a medication? What do you do to cope? I’m trapped.

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Oh boy, I would be running for the hills if this were me and my mom. No way. But that's just me. More power to you! So sorry you are dealing with this. Gotta be soo rough.

When this started, do you remember there being any changes to her meds or her diet? Meds can sometimes cause diarrhea so I'd check with her doctor about this problem and see if they have any advice. If it's not diarrhea but just not making it to the toilet in time, there may be a med that could help with that too, but I don't know. My mom has developed an intolerance to non-fermented dairy, like ice cream, and will spend HOURS in and out of the bathroom.
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No dietary or medication changes; she actually takes very few meds- levothyroxin, a mulitvitimin, and zyrtec. That's literally it. She eats a lactaid before she has dairy, and is usually pretty good about it. But wow- when she doesn't make it to the bathroom, it's BRUTAL. I think it's more that she doesn't feel she needs to go with enough time for her to get up from her chair, shuffle (with a walker) the ten feet or so to the bathroom door, and get in there and use the toilet. OMG I am at the end of my rope. Truly. Sigh.
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againx100 Sep 2022
Thanks for responding. Nice that her meds are so few. Since she does have a dairy problem and is "usually pretty good about taking lactaid" - well, pretty ain't good enough. What is she having for dairy? I would get that out of your house ASAP. Any known triggers - GONE. There are lots of non-dairy replacements these days that are really quite good. I would NOT rely on her remembering to take a pill first. No way. The cost of a mistake is MUCH too high!!

Of course you are at the end of your rope. You can't honestly be happy to deal with cleaning up this hazmat situation on a regular basis. It's just too gross on so many levels.

When you're not able to be home, I would definitely hire someone (that she pays for) to stay with her just in case. Plus they can do so many things with her that don't involve dealing with blowouts. The aides I have for my mom are so helpful and get her to do so many things that I have NO luck with. Like exercising which I think your mom could also benefit from. If her mobility improved, it could only improve this situation or her general health, etc.

If you are truly at the end of your rope, I would look into placing her somewhere. This is just too much for one person to deal with. I would also have your mom pay for a weekly cleaning crew to come over and give the house a deep clean and disinfecting treatment. E-coli is nothing to take lightly.
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It sounds like the bathroom/living situation in your home is not ideal for an elder with incontinence issues to be living in, first off. She needs a bedroom with a full bathroom where she can use the toilet and be cleaned properly, where there's no carpet or dining room, and where a bidet seat can be installed for easy clean up after a BM, and where 2 people can fit inside to accomplish said clean up. I don't understand how you're 'happy to do it' with an obese person who's pretty much immobile and leaving you in such a situation where you're forced to clean up messes like this that are happening more often!

Being 'resistant' to speaking with her doctor is not acceptable; if she wants to continue living with you and having you dealing with such a situation, then it's up to her TO speak to the doctor about getting this matter dealt with. And perhaps losing some weight with a controlled diet which you can enforce by not bringing junk food into the house or serving her high calorie meals. If she loses weight, she'll have an easier time moving around at least, making it easier on you to help her. I don't know that the 'fecal incontinence' issue will resolve, but it might, especially if she's eating less and dealing with less fecal volume may boil down to less blow outs. A simpler, blander diet may also calm her GI tract down leading to less explosive BM incidents, that is what sounds reasonable to me.

If I were you, I'd look into Assisted Living for your mother or at least in home caregivers to look after her while you're at work outside of the home. It's entirely possible she CAN get stuck on the toilet with you gone and then what? If she has no access to a cell phone to call 911, she'd have to wait for you to get home and help her up. I wonder why, however, she'd be stuck on the toilet? Is she unable to get up from it alone, by herself?? All in all, you've got a pretty unmanageable situation going on in your old Victorian home with your mother right now! It's not set up properly and she'd be better off in managed care with a team of people caring for her. You're not really 'trapped'.......there are alternatives you should explore for her care outside of your home. In order to cope with this situation in the meantime, I'd speak to her doctor, get her on a bland, low calorie diet regimen, and look into hiring (on her dime) in home caregivers to stay with her while you're at work. She's probably a fall risk too, I'm sure (if she's unable to get herself up from the toilet), which is another reason why leaving her alone isn't a good idea. As far as 'medication' is concerned, aside from a binding drug like Immodium to stop diarrhea, I don't know what she could be given to stop 'code browns' because I'm not even sure what they are!

Best of luck to you finding a workable solution to this entire situation.
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Bowel incontinence is reportedly a major reason for facility placement; most of us mere mortals have neither the skills nor the fortitude to do these cleanups.

Is your mom "managing" her own medications? We found that my mom was taking both laxatives and immodium and her whole system was terribly messed up. She ended up in the hospital and they got it sorted.

You talk to the doctor if she won't.
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Beatty Sep 2022
"You talk to the doctor if she won't."

I did just that.

I reasoned that if I was involved in clean up, I could bring the topic to the Doctor's attention.

It may be Mom's business - but is now OP's business too!
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If the half bath is so small and she’s so obese, how will an aide be able to do what she needs to do? Fecal matter is a very unsanitary issue, especially if exploded all over. It might be difficult to find an aide who can cope. Mom definitely belongs in a care facility now.
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BurntCaregiver Sep 2022
It is hard to find an aide that will cope with this and not quit after day one of being on the job.
I've had the small bathroom issue on my last position. The client was incontinent and did not go upstairs anymore. She stayed downstairs and there was a little half-bath. There's no way to clean someone up in an area that small. You cannot clean a person up on a portable bedside commode either when there's a real mess and she had serious mobility and balance issues.
She was incontinent anyway and would just start going. No one was available who would hold her steady on a toilet and hope for the best. I always refused to hold a client upright on the toilet. At that point they need to be diapers.
So, I put my client in diapers. She was against it but it was the only way. There was no choice for her. It was diapers or placement. The clean-up was easy enough because she had a hospital bed in the living room that I could clean her up on.
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Your happy to clean up feces? I wouldn't be.
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Beatty Sep 2022
Well maybe the OP is not *happy*.. like happy as a lamb in spring... but more like I am happier to do this than give supps or ememas..?
🐑😜
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We have had others here questioning the same challenge.

They found that getting mom on a daily probiotic cleared the issue up. So that would be my 1st step. They used kombucha drink but, you can use a pill or fermented food.

We eat kimchi, fresh sauerkraut, use apple cider vinegar, fresh refridgerated miso soup and take a daily pill, obviously, not all everyday, just options to keep things interesting for the palate.

I would have her start using the bedside commode for BMs. You can clean that so much easier then a trailing mess.

Keep some water and some of the toilet chemicals used for RV toilets in the commode, this will keep the odor under control. They are expensive but, you only use a tiny bit.
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Is there a way to create some more space in the half bath? We removed the vanity and replaced it with a small corner sink and turned to toliet slightly to create more reach around room for a relative that needed to use a half bath when recovering from a broken foot. There are bidet seats available now that work for some. There's even a portable shower that can be put up outside a half bath for a limited time.

If possible, I would suggest removing the vanity (and replacing with corner sink), replacing the toliet with a higher seat elongated model with a bidet seat with heated water. It may make just enough room to be able to clean your mom easier. You might want to use a narrow bookcase outside the bath to store towels and other supplies.

You may want to keep a food and medication diary to see if any foods and medicines are associated with the problems; sometimes a combination or the timing of when a medicine is taken together with a food consumed just before or after can cause issues.
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FivePeppers Sep 2022
Yes useful ideas.
An ALF is not the only solution.
A shower is needed in bathroom. If not, maybe the bidet would help. Also washable surfaces around bed, placed nearer to bath entry.
Diet research also. Good luck!
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In another post from four years ago you didn't sound too happy with having your mother live with you.

Isn't it time to consider placing her in a facility? Just because you're her only family left doesn't mean you have to give up your life for her.
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Can you put a camera or speaking device in bathroom so you know if there's a problem. Others have found these helpful; I don't know much about them. But someone here can. Can you get someone in to help her during those working hours? One of the pet clean up agents, like Nature's Miracle, sprays that can help clean up the mess and the smell. Keep plastic bags, gloves, paper towels and/or use toilet paper in or near the bathroom. Do discuss her diet with the doctor. You can call and discuss the problem with his assistants. He cannot discuss her, but you can speak to him privately or through his assistants. I do wonder how she can be having such problems without you having some legal ability to discuss and help with others involved. If you can consider a placement do so, if you need advice contact your agency on aging.
Good luck old age and the life of one's caretakers is not easy.
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I agree with leaonnie1. In the meantime, you can get some sort of bidet she might be able to use if you are away. And what about a cell phone. I recently found out that Alexa can make a phone call to you if she couldn’t reach a phone. But basically, at this point, assisted living is needed. Sometimes people are afraid of that expense.
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GAinPA Sep 2022
Yes, it is possible to ask Alexa to call for help and it will call the person you have designated in the app. I tried mine out by lying in the tub with the bathroom door closed and requesting “Alexa call help” to the Show device positioned in the bathroom hall.
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Consider having an in-home caregiver to be with her when you are not there. She may be eligible through Medicare/Medicaid to have in-home caregivers. Get connected with a local social worker to discuss her (and your options). Much will depend on her finances. Also discuss with the social worker programs to pay family caregivers, and have a plan if her care gets to be too much for you. Her basic options are in-home aides or moving to assisted living/memory care/skilled nursing. They have equipment to deal with all kinds of body types and abilities. If her health declines, you may need to get additional equipment for your home if she stays with you. Consider changing her spaces so that they are easier to clean. Perhaps take up the carpets and have floors with a washable surface (extra coats of polyurethane on wood floors). Would it be better for her just to use the commode at all times? Get disposable pads to put on chairs and under her in the bed. If you do have caregivers coming to your home, be sure to lock up your valuables and personal papers, especially financial papers. While she is of sound mind, be sure that all of her paperwork is in order. She needs to set up powers of attorney for medical and financial matters, have a living will with her advance medical directives, and have a will, if she has assets. All the best to you both.
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I put 2 diapers the 2nd backwards for total coverage at all times then assist when they need to go to bathroom. If two cant fit then clean up at bed wear your mask &have all supplies necessary by the bed wipes etc & box of trash bags & tie when done after every #2. Protect bed w disposable chucks. Its better than hurting your back....
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Cover999 Sep 2022
That's a lot of work.
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Can you hire a home/health aide to be with her two days a week when you're at work? Also, take the carpet up between the bathroom and the dining room. It's not worth it to try and keep the area carpeted. Take it up.
For urinary incontinence I found that lining and adult diper with a trimmed down baby diaper (like Pampers, Huggies, etc...) was like a miracle. It stays dry and there is no leaks. Even overnight.
If she's incontinent there's not a whole lot that can be done for that except to try to prevent skin breadown and protect your furniture and rugs.
I was in homecare for a long time. Incontinence is always one of the main reasons why a family places an elder in managed care. It's something to consider.
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I am 63 and also have fecal inconvenience. I also take levothyroxine. I ran across an article that said that levo can cause diarrhea. The thyroid is nothing to take lightly and my blood work is never right for the dosage I'm on. This is only me, I'm not recommending you do this but cutting back on my levo has greatly decreased my diarrhea. I suggest talking with her Dr about an alternative like I'm going to do at my next appointment.
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Candyapple Sep 2022
It might be something she’s eating that’s causing the liquid stools
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Odor control..........Pooph

On amazon............give it a read.
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There are special top liners for fecal incontinence that are wider in the back and allow any liquid to flow away from the body as opposed to liners with a leak proof liner bottom. They can be removed from the pull-up when soiled leaving the pull-up intact. Be careful with using modified baby diapers as liners. The resulting modification needs to have the liner slit to allow the bottom pull-up to draw any liquid away from the skin.
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Echoing what others have posted it sounds like it may be time for placement. You can’t worry about what messes you will come home to or how long they were in that condition.

In a facility they have a team of caregivers and equipment to assist in toileting and clean-up.

You need to think of your health also. It is probably not healthy to be exposed to these messes on a continual basis.

Speaking as a person who had to clean up HORRIBLE messes I was not happy to do this.
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Candyapple Sep 2022
I’ve seen places they don’t take care of ppl like u think
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A Geriatric Psychiatrist can evaluate and medicate until you realize that you are running on a dementia treadmill: around and around and around you go. If you throw in a visit to the Gastroenterologist, you will learn that there are medications to combat incontinence, too.
The Psychiatrist can help you with issues of denial and acceptance of. the cycle of life. Suggest you call the care advisor here or call, "A Place for Mom."
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If mom is going to be a long time resident with you it would probably be a good idea to look into getting the "very small half bath" converted to a full bath and make it accessible. This would benefit her as well as yourself if you eve have the need for a full, accessible bath on the first floor. Even enlarging it a bit will help caregivers do a proper job. A small bathroom is difficult enough but more so if the person needing help is obese.
Hiring caregivers to help out on the days you are not home would help you.
Removing carpet where you can. If her room is carpeted remove carpet in her room (aka dining room)
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It’s just life. Sounds like mom needs to be on a plant based diet and drink lots of water make sure u have lots of toilet paper, wipes and assessable changing clothes also, purchase i. Home camera so u can only see her from ur phone. This u can race home. U could also buy some quality walk-in talkies or something so u can tell mom ur on ur way or find some one from an caregiver that could be on call . This way if there closer they can check on her. No meds meds do more harm than good. She needs exercise….
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TrainerMom: There is absolutely no way that your mother can toilet successfully in such a small bathroom. Add in the fact that the room is SO small that she has to manage solo; you stated "we both can't fit in there." Also adding to the dilemma is that carpeting is apparently getting soiled AND very difficult to clean. Also, the fact that she's a large lady makes it very difficult. She requires a full size bathroom equipped with a bidet on the toilet. It's unacceptable that she is resistant in speaking with her physician IF she wants to continue residing there in the home. Really her gastroenterologist should be advised of her problem.
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One thing that we used to do for home care clients with bowel surgeries and ostomy bags to catch feces from the small intestine, where it's loose, was to give things like psyllium husk or Metamucil to firm up the stool. One has to be very careful to give with plenty of water to make sure they don't get plugged up. It works to soak up some liquid and strengthen peristalsis, resulting in less frequent, larger and firmer stools.
I'm a retired RN and abhor code browns, have dealt with far too many in my time. Your situation sounds awful.
If the loose stool is the result of bowel disease, you may find a specialist who could provide methods or meds to decrease the bowel motility. Perhaps it's IBS and some meds can help. Also might look into possible food allergies as causing this and I think that good probiotics are always an aid.
You may look into the stool consistency and determine if she needs digestive aids, like if she's not digesting fats and this is causing the explosions.
If she's been on antibiotics of late, maybe have her checked for C Diff which causes explosive, foul swelling stools.
Gawd, way too many code browns in my time as an RN!
Ultimately, if you can't get this under control, you'll either have to remodel to accommodate this, have her placed in a facility that is well equipped to handle fecal incontinence, or face having your lower floor utterly destroyed by feces that non one, no matter how careful, can clean thoroughly enough.
I wish you luck!
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I've got a question for others who have been offering advice on this subject. When facilities assess residents for placement, how does incontinence affect their placement? Do they even qualify for assisted living, or are they automatically placed in skilled nursing? Maybe the rules are different for each facility? My mother suffers from urinary and fecal incontinence (complicated by IBS). I could tell some horror stories about how this has happened at the worst possible time in public places....
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dilktgora Oct 2022
In my experience, an aid was going to be assigned to my mil for bathroom trips every two hours so she would be changed regularly in assisted living but her doctor changed to memory care because she is deteriorating quiqly. She has fallen at least once a weel this past two months while waiting for placement. So I think if they have mental capacilty and some dexterity and balance arrangements can be made to accommodate in AL and reeva;uated regularly for needs.
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For times when you are not there hire help if finances allow. If not then time for Assisted living or skilled nursing.( easier said than done) I have been trying to get my live in 24/7 care MIL in a home since July. Drs take for ever to get an appointment, then paperwork needed by home/facility needs to be filled out and returned to home, TB test ,then you need to spend down or give remaing savings to home upon admission and apply for medicaid.( Telling you this so if you are connsidering this just know it is not always 123done.. But until then...We also have a tiny powder room. I leave the door open for more room to help. I use a peri bottle found on amazon h//smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B08L8LMKPZ/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1 with a nozzle that can be used upside down to clean between the legs on each bathroom trip. depends wipes are larger and i use no rinse cleansing foam://smile.amazon.com/dp/B00839SX9A?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details . Hope this helps. Not fun but try to stay above it. This forum helps me know I am not the only one struggleing with the situation of .. house set up ,burn out ,resentment, etc 97 year old toddler who still needs her digmity when all is said and done! Do what works best for you. Dont be afraid to change it up if it stops working.
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