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We knew  something was wrong for several years before the diagnosis. My wife no longer knows anyone or the relationship we had to other people or ourselves. She says my name and says she loves me but she doesn't know me. I take complete care of her. I shower her every morning, dress her and make all her meals. Sometimes I even feed her but I try to make all finger food meals so she can feed herself. I try to keep her company during the day. I put her to bed every night. But there is a big problem.


She goes to the bathroom on average about 18 to 25 times a day and I have to go with her. If I am not with her she does things that she would never have allowed our children to do. I don't know why she does it nor does she and she gets furious if I talk about it. I have to clean her up after every visit to the bathroom. Usually it is just normal cleaning. Sometimes it is cleaning up a mess on her hands, the floor or her clothing. Why does she do this? Is there any medication to take that will stop these multiple visits to the bathroom. Sometimes she doesn't do anything, no urination or bowel movement. Is it just a habit? Her bowel movements often take several visits over a period of an hour or more and they are usually very, very uncomfortable for her, almost painful but she refuses to go to a doctor for any advice or help.


I need help. I know at some point I will no longer be able to help her by myself but if this bathroom problem was solved I could carry on for a longer period of time and I want to be able to take care of her.


I have video conferenced with our doctor on many occasions for help and medication. Some has helped but nothing has stopped the multiple visits to the bathroom.


Is what is happening common with Alzheimers and is there a cure for this ailment?

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First I have to say, bless you for taking such good care of your wife for as many years as you have. You won't regret it, even if it comes to the point down the road that she must be placed in a facility, you will know you did the best you could. God bless you for that.
Other than making sure you're with her every bathroom visit, have you ever thought of just using a bedside commode in a room where she spends most of her time, and you can keep a better eye on her? If it's near to where she is, she won't have to travel as far, and won't have as many things to get into. That's one thought.
Another idea is having her see a urologist, as they can prescribe medications for overactive bladders, and also try putting Botox in her bladder to try and calm it down. Then there's always the possibility of using catheters as well, so she won't have to get up to pee.
And as far as her constipation, make sure she's drinking plenty of fluids, eating high fiber foods, drinking prune juice, and of course again her Dr. can prescribe some Lactulose or suppositories too.
You are doing such a great job, but don't be afraid to hire some outside help to come in and help you, until she's ready to be placed. You need to be taking care of yourself as well, and if getting some help in will allow for that, then please do it. I wish you the very best.
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Just adding a ditto to "bless you"!
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I am assuming, as you describe "mess" on hands, walls, and so on that you are dealing with feces, not urine. You might consider a fiber supplement that will give one good daily BM if taken at night. I would use citrucel and not metamucil as the latter one ferments differently in the bowel and causes gas, which often leads to more problems rather than less. I wish you good luck. I think you are recognizing that the amount of time you can continue in this care is limited; I am sad for you both. Bowel issues are very common in the elderly, whether mentally impaired or not.
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I'm wondering if the "urge" to go is what's driving her bathroom visits, but that  she's just not able to release anything.      And that made me wonder how much and what kind of food and fluids she's getting.    Does she eat fruits, drink a lot of water and/or pure (not sugared) juices?  

She might also sense the "need to go" b/c of some internal pressure.   Has she had a recent pelvic exam, notwithstanding her insistence on not seeing a doctor?
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Yes, it is very common to have "bathroom" issues with Alzheimers. I belong to a support group with over 800 members and it seems each has a different problem with this. Therefore there can be no "one size fits all" solution. You just have to keep trying to find something that helps or give up and clean constantly (the latter is what I did.)
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Thank you for being a good human, those are rare these days.

Just ask yourself what you would want her to do if it was YOU in the same situation and she was the caregiver. And do that.
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