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My 90 year old mum is currently living with us while on a waiting list for a care unit. She's mid-stage dementia (and we'll have more specifics around that in the coming week now that she's had a full neurological workup).


I'm curious - for those of you that may have lived with a dementia loved one, did you reach a point where you had to manage their television viewing? Mum has always loved tv, but recently she's increasingly misunderstanding A LOT of the information she views. She gets very agitated and upset and, frankly, sometimes her explanations as to why she's angry about what she viewed fringe on inappropriate ranting.


Today my husband and I discussed setting up parental controls and outright blocking a number of television channels so she flat out can't view certain content (especially news shows).


I'm hoping she'll never notice.

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Good idea. Turn on the parental controls. I’d be willing to bet she won’t notice.
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Mom liked tv too. It did get to the point that there was no news, no law and order, no crime dramas at all. She always thought her children were in trouble and in danger. There were a couple of large wildfires that were about sixty miles away that were covered 24/7 for awhile. She did not understand distance and would go out to turn in the sprinkler system to keep the fires away. Interesting, though at one time it was not a timed system and turned on with a key wrench thingy. She tried and tried to find that key!😢
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Long story short several years ago my wife began having strange frightening (to her) hallucinations. I was able to trace it all back to her watching those awful TV murder mysteries. Criminal Minds and such. Switched her over to Lawrence Welk and such. The hallucinations stopped. She was unable to use the remote so the switch was easy.
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Mom's TV is set to an 'oldies' station. She sees the news and gets frantic--so brother changed her channels setting. All she watches is Hallmark and one sports channel. No news.

Also, she has a station that plays oldies music all day and night with no talking in between. It's like being at the dentist all day :)
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I think there is very little chance she will notice this monitoring and that it is a good thing. You are acting in her protection.
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Definitely keep her away from news channels. My grandmother had full mental capacity but was housebound. She was also the most fearful, anxious, nervous person I’ve ever known. She would watch the local news at noon and at 10pm, and all we’d hear her talk of is how dangerous everything was. It just fed into her fear and she kept watching.

When I was still single— 30 and living on my own— she asked if I got my own gas. Well yeah, who else would? “Oh I thought your dad got it for you every week.” Why would I drive 20 minutes to his house for him to take my car to a gas station when I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself at the one by my house? She said “well I saw on the news how a girl got carjacked at an Exxon this week and it’s not safe for you to get gas alone!”
.... yes, and that carjacking happened at 2 a.m., the perp was her old boyfriend, and was a part of town I wouldn’t go to in the daytime, let alone 2 a.m!

She’s been dead a few years now and it makes me sad to think how she spent her life so afraid of nothing.
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I think thats a great idea. I did put Moms TV on the "oldies" channel. Problem, Emergency was on that channel. They had a bombing and a fire and Mom freaked out. She thought it was real. Reality, TV and dreams blend together and it becomes hard to know whats what. At 4pm everyday I had to change that channel. Where I live, there is Cozi, atennia, we tv and Comet. If the buttons are getting too small on the control there are ones that have an on and off button. Volume and channel buttons.
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My father used to watch the game shows, or we would put a nice movie on for him, so it wasn't an issue. But the NEWS on the other hand can be rather scary even if it's not happening near you...
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I would definitely control what she sees. My mom would watch game shows and the oldies channel with I love Lucy, Lawrence Welk etc. It would drive me crazy though!
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I care for a lady such as you described. TV is all they have. My lady can no longer read or even colour, ( unable to hold pencils well). If she likes music, that's a first choice. Mine loves music. If you have access to the Hallmark channel, that's very good. Yes my lady cannot see the news. It makes her cry. She can no longer tell the difference between a commercial and a show. I don't limit but I find something as best as possible like Hallmark a garden show home building. But music is the thing she loves the most.
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Just an extra wrinkle to be aware of: my mother turned against some things that she had previously enjoyed.

For example, I put on a DVD of 'West Side Story' and within a few minutes she wailed for me to come and "turn it off! I don't like it!" - but she took me to see that show, she'd loved it forever. 'Bugsy Malone' went down like a lead balloon, too; no idea why, but she was quite indignant about it.

And then on the other hand, she tuned into a show called "8 out of 10 Cats" - presumably attracted by the title - and seemed to be enjoying it, but it's actually a satirical panel show with what I would have described as a good deal of highly inappropriate content.

So my conclusion is that it's a mistake to suppose that there is a rationale to what is upsetting your mother. By all means switch off or away from anything that is, clearly, distressing her, but I don't think you can exactly predict what she'll be happy with. For us, wildlife documentaries and murder mysteries went on being safe enough; and then later on, after stroke had affected her vision, music instead of tv.
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If TV is agitating her, it's better to choose different programs or have her view videos or movies that are not agitating instead.
Even I get agitated when I see the news these days!
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I think the parental control is a great idea. My mom can’t figure out the remote anymore so we just put it in a cooking or home decor channel and it stays there. News etc she personalizes and it’s her grandson who drowned etc. it doesn’t upset her but makes for a good story to her🙄
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I’m there! Mom still lives alone, so no one can control the channel choices enough. Last week she let me know that when Trump was speaking on TV he must’ve had a stroke (she had a TIA recently), ‘all his words were coming out wrong.’ What could I do with that one... just note it with all the other phenomena. Now even with movies on Hallmark channel she says ‘This is stupid, can you even tell what’s going on?’ Happy to see this thread, I am working through what she should watch and what will just be confusing or upsetting. I agree about using music instead when possible. One of her caregivers shows her videos on YouTube of golf and horse races from the past, those have been very successful. For some reason, American Pickers is still working well.
Commercials have become a big problem, I read recently that with dementia you can’t ignore or filter the way you used to.
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I got my mother hooked on the animal shows, like The Secret Life of the Zoo and The Aquarium. There are lots of baby animals and it's educational. We also record Steven Colbert, John Oliver, Samantha Bee, and Trevor Noah (Daily Show) and play them for her. She still watches the PBS News Hour every day, and I think Colbert and co. help her cope. She also watches lots of reruns...
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My mom will spend the entire day watching tv from old shows to Nat geo tv. Personally I don't think it's healthy for her but she insists. Pretty soon Imma cut her viewing time down to 2 hour sessions.
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MaryKathleen Jul 2019
What will you do for her to take the place of the programs she can't watch anymore? If she has dementia her brain is broken. I am really curious not being snarky.
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Dtgray, if TV is all you have the mental capacity for, it would be better than sitting alone staring into the corner. People with Alzheimer's benefit from mental stimulation of any kind, even stupid tv. It's ok to allow them this stimulation. You can explain to your kids that you watch TV all day when your mind fails, and there may be a cause and effect relationship. That might turn the kids away from tv!
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I would have never limited mom's time watching tv. Most of the time it was quite the indispensable tool, a great distraction! Select channels and shows that will entertain her without scaring her. Sometimes, no matter how closely you monitor, there will be something that will agitate her.

Same idea as restricting food intake, don't do it unless it cause some other problem.
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Absolutely !! You have to take control of the information in todays’s news cycle bc it’s based upon fear, misinformation or bias and Dementia patients cannot process this information in a normal cognitive function as a person without Dementia.

I had to do the same for my Mom. It’s to keep them calm so I went nostalgic and found old shows she used to like before Dementia and let them reminisce about a character or program. It worked and those shows kept her calm and less agitated .And yes I blocked all news stations and even the naughty channels bc she would surf and one time she was watching porn and not understanding what she was watching so I set up a favorite guide and she had access to the channels I chose n I blocked all the news stations and set up a pin for purchases bc she tried to buy movies she liked or remembered . I hope this helps you and it’s not taking control, It’s protecting them from unnecessary frustrations and to keep them calm and peaceful which is important for persons with Dementia.
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Choupette Jul 2019
Haha we had to set up a pin after my Mom accidentally kept buying movies. Once she bought “My little pony” she would just click on them to see what they about.
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I know someone with Lewy Body dementia who can ONLY watch the news -- because anything with a plot he thinks is happening right here. So the cop show gives us an inside-the-car view of a chase scene, and he will grab his wife's arm and try to throw her to the ground because 'we're going to crash!' And the view of ocean from the deck of a ship has him yelling that we're all going to drown.

Whereas the news clips of the same things are short enough, and told from the 3rd person enough, that he generally doesn't fall into the story.
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My late stage mom isn't able to process most of what's on TV and it's become more of an irritant than anything. She thinks the people on TV are right in the living room with her and it unnerves her. She has also become less enthused with the jazz and blues stations we used to have on most of the time. She thinks its just a lot of noise.

Our solution, which has been working more often than not, is a channel on YouTube called Memory Lane TV. It plays hours of relaxing music and plays videos of beautiful scenery, farm animals, flowers, etc. No stress, pretty music, lovely scenes with no people. I put the channel on and leave it. It entertains her somewhat and definitely adds to a relaxing atmosphere. Good luck and I hope this helps. It has been a life saver for us.
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Zdarov Jul 2019
Thanks for that name, will check it out!
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I think you already found the solution. I don't think she'll ever notice the absence of news programs and the bad shows or movies that cause her distress. Too many channels available can cause her distress, just like a young child can become overwhelmed with too many toys available at once. She will probably like the limited selection more.
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Mom once thought there was a Burmese python living under her house because she'd seen a story on TV about Burmese pythons invading south Florida (hundreds of miles from her house). One night she heard a cat fight outside the window and decided it was a Burmese python eating a cat. She was upset until I checked under the house and assured her there were no pythons down there.
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3 years ago I bought the remote called The Flipper with big buttons. I programmed in the most used, non-news based channels and that was a real life saver. You can get it on Amazon and many sites.

I can tell you that as my mother progresses into this horrific disease she thinks what's happening on the television is really happening. She got up 3 times in 15 minutes to look out the window for the "girl with the dirty car" outside of our house. It is a commercial for Ford. She has told me that people are outside on our lawn having a carnival. What she sees is what she thinks is happening in or around our house.

With that said, I would never think to not have the tv on for her because she has always been a tv watcher. I am very vigilant on making sure no crime shows, true story shows and the news don't come on. Thank God for Hallmark and TVLand.
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My mom (95) is of sound mind and reads the newspaper each morning and watches news AM, midday, and 10PM. Even when we were young and there was only about 3 stations to watch, the evening news was a mainstay. It was how people kept up with local and national events. However, nothing compared to the news overload in your face with today's media outlets. The majority of news is political bashing and terrible, traumatizing events shown in real time. It probably is too much for someone who is having difficulty in processing thoughts. It can be too much for a sound mind.

Definitely use the parental controls. Perhaps dwindle it down to one local station (if she was a news watcher in the pre-dementia days). Give free range to some moving channels, like Hallmark, that don't have all the violence. If she has a genre of music she likes, flip the channel over to one of those channels a couple of times a day. Music opens memories in the mind and she may reflect on better times.
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My mom with Alzheimer's had the same reactions as others have mentioned: she thought  what was on the TV screen was real. She'd duck for cover if they showed a war scene on the news. She'd think the "Golden Girls" were in her living room. I even wrote about our travails in a  book called, "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." My mom once confused a news story about a public figure having a marital indiscretion with a news story about a leaked story to the press, and she said, "They should have kept that story undercover." I mean, you had to laugh. That's 1 thing I leaned: You have to try to find  humor where you can. Maybe you could convince your mom to go for a walk, or, if she's not ambulatory, maybe you could push her in a  wheelchair outside. She might get tuckered out after that, and not rely on TV so much. (I should talk; I'm watching Wimbledon on TV, but still...)
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My mother and I are virtually always together, so we both spend a lot of time watching TV. I am always withing earshot of her-she has over the air reception in her bedroom. She just needed it re-scanned as she hit a wrong button, and lost all channels. She can watch whatever she desires when in her room. 
   The main TV, we have a lot more options. Youtube has been a bonanza for us. You can find almost anything on youtube. Yesterday Today channel is montages of historical photos and she likes watching them. Mom and my stepdad spent a lot of time in their motorhome after they retired, and I can usually find videos from places she has been. Her parents had a cottage on an island in Canada, and it remained in the family until a couple of years ago. We can search for the island on Youtube to see if anything new has been posted. One of the Islanders became an astronaut, and we can watch old video of him singing Space Oddity from the ISS. 
   I have mentioned before that I try to get out to hear music at small venues. One show she went to was to see western swing band, Asleep at the Wheel. She got to meet, and had her picture taken with Ray, the front man. We can watch old videos, music, interviews, etc. and it is someone she is familiar with. Youtube is great cause you can find videos these people at all different ages. 
   She can't remember how to change the channel on the main TV, so i have to control what is on, but she does have lots of choices. She has ALWAYS been overly scared of things- so I try not to let her watch things that will get her agitated or give nightmares. Youtube works for us- hard to search for something and not find it.
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My mom also suffered to dimentia and lived with me and husband for 3 years till her recent death. She misunderstood tv in general. She thought it was a window looking at the neighbors' home. I tried to experiment by limiting tv hours because it freaked ME out. However her condition got worse without tv. In fact, this was her main outlet to a difficult disease... She d miss the "window to the neighbors", and felt very lonely. I d always clean up and work in mom's bedroom, but i guess tv sitcoms were more refreshing than me...
Lost my mother in January. I miss caring for her, and would love to have her back, and the little peculiariries of that horrible disease....
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When my mil lived with us we blocked out the trashy shows but now she lives in a nice facility so we don’t have the control, but we found then and when visiting she had it on as a companion so to speak in the background, and I’d also give puzzle books and stuff to do that she can grab right there.
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That is exactly what we did. Had to stop the QVC and shopping channels as well. QVC repeats the next morning and my MIL had no memory of seeing the item and would order again.

Hallmark was also our go to station.

Now that she is in memory care with other activities her hallucinations are less.
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Oskigirl Jul 2019
That is funny about the QVC re-ordering. Almost as bad as the sleep shopping I did when I took Ambien...
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