My brother is states away in a medical induced coma after suffering a heart attack and kidney failure. It's looking quite bleak.

Thank you so much to everyone who shared here. My brother's body shut down and he slipped away yesterday. I received a call early from the Dr. that there was nothing more they could do and that they were going to cease heroic measures and expected him to pass shortly thereafter. I called my lifelong best friend who still lives in our hometown and she made sure she was at his side, and stayed with him until he passed. She called both myself and my little brother and held the phone up to his ear so we could say goodbye to him. She is indeed a gem of a friend and has been for over 50 years.

I am taking the great advice you've all shared and am am leaving this week to make the 15 hour drive (staying at campgrounds two nights to make the driving dooable for my 69 yr old bones. I'd fly, but I'm responsible for 3 dogs, one of them being 18 yrs old, and they are going to be traveling with me. I've simply no idea how long I'll be gone and I can't leave them behind.


My brother was registered as a donor at the hospital. They took over after his death to salvage what they could for the good of others, and they've been super explaining the process and keeping me updated. Today they let me know that all that they were releasing him to the funeral home my best friend recommended.

So far, everything seems to be falling into place. Thank you all so much, for your thoughts and advice. I'm guessing his estate is valued at less then 75,000 but more than the amount allowed for no probate. Ohio law puts my little brother and myself as the only heirs so I can't just walk away...though I do wish I could. Did I happen to mention that my older brother was a lifelong hoarder? Sigh......

Both my little bro and I were discussing today on the phone on how we'd joke with our older brother that we sure hoped we'd be the ones to go first, since neither of us wanted to be left to deal with all his stuff! He's probably up there laughing at us both right now. I swear I hear him saying "Gotcha!"

Oh my gosh you guys...you have me crying over here. What a terrifically caring lot you all are. Good advice on the cost of funeral. We did learn that when dad passed. He learned it when my mom passed and shared the into with us, telling us to be sure to shop around when his time came. Theresa did find a "budget' minded crematorium who is doing it for just under 995.00, though I know it's going to be over 1000.00 by the time I purchased multiple death certificates. We're good with that though. Theresa to the rescue there...saved me a lot of time on the phone and/or internet! Bless Her!

And I agree completely with all you've said about how fortunate I am to have a good friend like Theresa. She's a true diamond of a friend! She will be right there by my side every step of the way. I'll be staying with her for however long it takes the courts to name me as Administrator of his estate so we can go into his house and search for the personal papers to find the things I and the courts need to proceed. I definitely want to know that the house insurance is paid up, as well as the taxes, and when they come due. I also know that I'll need to inform those who need to know that he's passed...and try to have his mail (bills and such) sent to me rather then his house... and so much more~such as taking care of the homeless woman who my brother befriended a while back and who has been crashing at his house for the last couple of months. She has no money, no drivers license (dui) and has been in and out of jail (drug related). He told me all about her, assured me that it wasn't a physical relationship, just that he felt compelled to try to help her (I think he was just lonely, too, and wanted companionship, however he could get it, poor bro).

I've talked with her, and told her that she probably would have about 6 weeks to find someplace to go, so she had some time. Setting up probate might take a couple of weeks and then she would receive a 30 day written notice to move. I also told her I'd pay 3 months rent for a local storage unit for her to put her stuff in. I feel so sorry for her, but my little brother and I discussed it and we just don't feel safe with her in that house. Theresa tells me the basement is totally hoarded and that the walls, and a good portion of the stuff, is covered with mold! I've not seen it for quite a few years, but according to Theresa, as it is, the house is simply not a safe place to be, especially for someone who may be impaired from time to time.

Well, back to cleaning out my car and getting ready for travel! This is going to be a different sort of adventure, I'm sure, for both myself and my pack...and, yes, I'll bet the dogs really enjoy this adventure...all the walking and attention they are going to get!.

I'm sure I will be doing quite a bit of serious talking to my wayward, now deceased, big brother, where ever he may be. It's already started and will probably be on a daily basis for the foreseeable future. I'll also bet you that Theresa will be right there with me with more than a few words of her own! I'm just thankful that he can't talk back, as we often couldn't get in a word edgewise when he could!

Thanks again to all of you, and I'll definitely keep you updated when I can! And especially thank you for listening to my plight. It does help to talk about it. I really did love the guy...even though he was one who's common sense always seemed to allude him more often then not. But for the most part he did try to be a good person overall. I will try to remember that in the near future when I'm having one of those "talks" with him.

I'm praying I end this journey with only good memories from the times we were able to get together as adults as well as our great early life together as a family with little brother and mom and dad! Really...RIP Big Brother!

Dustien:
Thank you so much for your update.
What a wonderful friend to give you that reassurance to be with him, and I hope that friend will be there for you now, as well.
I hope you will update us step by step on your continuing journey.
I thank goodness you can find at least SOME humor in this, for it is a saving grace and does honor to all involved.
We will be pulling for you. Stay in contact and wishing you the best, my thoughts will be with you.

New update... I'll talk to the Lawyer tomorrow to see if's even worth driving all that way now. Tonight I called the girl who's in my brother's house to let her know when I was coming up, and she is a totally different person. She was all over the place, not making sense half the time and accusing Theresa, or someone she sent, coming in the house when she's sleeping and stealing her stuff and throwing stuff in the trash that was hers.

She then said she has no proof that Russ is dead and that she was told that no one can tell her to leave except him. She said that she called the trash company and some of the stuff she was missing was Iwith them because it was found in the trash and that now she'd have to go get it. She also said a lot of things that just weren't making sense... evertime I tried to say something she just went off on another tangent. Finally she yelled that I sholdn't bother to come to Ohio cause she's changing the locks and no one is getting iin her house and that she was told she needs a lawyer. Then she started ranting about Russ coming home and he's just staying away because he hit her over the head with a shoe and we're all trying to get her out so we can take all her stuf! Then she hung up on me! She's turneid crazy person overnigh

I'm afraid this isn't going to go as I was really hoping it would. My brother had told me she was homeless because she got cought up in doing Meth and spent time in jail, but that she had quit and just needed some time to get on her feet. If she had quit,I'm thinking after this behavior she just might be back into it...This certainly compllicates things for sure.

Wow...the journey continues down a different track. Guess I'll need to run this by the Lawyer tomorrow and see what way we should proceed now. I had an appointment to see him when I got to Ohio, but might not need to take a trip up there now if I cna't get into the house to find if bro had a will, or any information on what bills need to be paid, when utilites are due, how to change the mail so things get done iin a timely manner..etc...etc...etc...

Oh Brother Indeed!

Contact a funeral home and a probate attorney. Both will offer advice.

If he has no other family and has nothing in writing then it seems reasonable that you would be the person taking care of things. Sorry for your imminent loss. I agree that if he has not been happy since his wife's passing and he is a reasonable person, that he would be willing to let nature take it's course. Even trying to fight the inevitable decline and demise would likely be an exercise in futility. I agree with letting him go without heroic measures.

I agree with other poster about getting in touch with a funeral home. They can take care of a lot of things and will know if it's ok to let you make such arrangements, etc. I'd call one today.

Best of luck.

If there is no Will and he has an estate, like a house, you will need to go to Probate in his County to become an Administrator. Since you live so far away, you might want to let a lawyer do what needs to be done. Then he will charge the estate for his time. The State will determine who inherits.

If his estate is under a certain amount you may only need to sign an affidavit. This will not be probated.

Dustien,

Sounds like you have a good plan.

Just wanted to remind you to take things one at a time and you'll do fine.

(Also, a suggestion that you use the best possible face mask and rubber gloves when you do the de-hoarding to protect yourself from mold, dust, animal remains, etc. You don't want any of that in your lungs.)

Thank you for another update and I'm so sorry for your loss and how it all came about.

If it were me I would stop keeping that woman in the loop. If she is back to using meth she needs treatment/rehab and you won't be able to force her to do it. There's no point in talking to an unhinged, delusional person anyway. Allowing her to stay in your brother's house beyond the 30-day eviction timeline really will only enable her and prolong her addiction, and possibly creates a liability issue for your brother's estate. If she refuses to leave the property at the eviction deadline you can have the police escort her off the property (and then change the locks immediately). If she isn't cooperative with the police then she becomes their problem.

I wish you all the best going forward and peace in your heart that you did the best you could.

Dustien, oy vey! One thing that many of us don't know about meth, until we are where you are, is that it is so dangerous because it creates life long problems even after it is stopped. What you are dealing with is a ruined brain from meth and from my personal experience, this crazy business is just the norm when dealing with a fried brain.

I would encourage you, if you want your brothers house, to do a 3 day eviction for non payment. The attorney will be able to guide you on this.

As the next of kin, you hold all the power. It is going to be unpleasant in every way imaginable dealing with a meth head, so truly, decide what your end goal is and go from there. Sometimes walking away is the sanest thing we can do.

You can do a change of address to get brothers mail. I would caution you to NOT PAY any utilities, because she will be removed if there is no running water, it is the only utility that causes the system to intervene.

Prayers that you get whatever it is you hope for in this difficult situation. Meth heads are a terrible lot to deal with, keep yourself safe above all else.