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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Aunt feels she is owed this and currently the proceeds are to be handed out per original will to all descendants and she wishes to have mom with dementia, change the will where all proceeds go to her instead upon both of the deaths of grandparents
I think thats fair. I am currently caring for my mother with dementia, it is very hard and frustrating. I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers who want nothing to do with the situation and offer no help whatsoever. You can’t imagine how much our life has changed and how much we have given up to take care of her. We have been away from her 1 week since she has moved in and that was for a funeral out of state, now I have to listen to her complain because we didn’t take her, she could not have endured the 12 hour trip she is 86 but will not stop complaining. She stayed in Respite Care and had a wonderful time there, we are currently trying to find a way to send her there permanently. In our home she will do nothing but lay in bed and watch tv, there she participated in exercise, bible study, games and socializing.
The grandparents money should be going towards their care. If this Aunt feels that she can no longer do the caring, then she needs to place them appropriately. Their money going towards their care and when gone, Medicaid applied for. Wills are only good for "just in case". If a person needs to spend what money they have on their care, then there is nothing to be left.
Moms house was left to my brother. By the time she passed there was Medicaid and tax debts. We had it placed back into the estate. I then sold it and the liens were satisfied. Moms 3 children got 3k each. I then gave my 2 girls 1k each.
Hi Laurie - you say that the aunt is the caregiver - she cares for her parents who have dementia. Do you have any idea how much excruciating time and work that is? I'm starting to think that you don't if all you're inquiring about is their Will. And, is the "aunt" getting paid for her time in caregiving? I'm thinking not.
Are any of the other descendants involved in the care of this couple? It also depends on the level of dementia as to whether a Will can even be revised - it'll depend on the assessment of the lawyer anyway - to make sure that the couple are of right mind.
If I were you, I'd remain out of this. This woman - dealing with the emotional, mental and physical strain of taking care of two parents with dementia is heartbreakingly difficult on every level. Perhaps you should be thinking of how to support her rather than thinking about her parent's Will. It's really not appropriate.
I agree 100%, people just don’t realize how much work it actually is on top of all your daily chores. The extra laundry, cleaning and cooking is enough to drive you crazy. Then there is the frustration of trying to get them to bathe, and cleaning up after the habits they have. My mom has been carrying her used TP from the bathroom to her bedroom snd hiding it in a basket under her yarn, she is becoming OCD on top of everything else, her silverware has to be rearranged at every meal, her yogurt lid and the applesauce peel off lid has to be rolled up very tightly, water bottle has to sit in the same spot and facing a certain angle. I have 4 siblings who want nothing to do with it, I have asked them to give me a break and they say no, they can’t do it. Ever since she was diagnosed she is no longer our mother she is just my mother. If people are not helping they need to stay out of it. My mom has nothing so a will is not in place. What savings she had went to pre paying her funeral, transporting her back home when she passes( 550 miles). Anything after that I think my husband and I should get for caring for her. We do it all right now from arranging all her Dr appointments, her finances, daily care and more. She has told us that we should get whats left after she dies for letting her live here, she doesn’t comprehend that she is ill, she thinks she is in perfect health for her age and denies having any medical issues.
AlvaDeer is correct: if an attorney determines that someone no longer has legal "capacity" to change their Will, then it cannot happen.
The Aunt is now having "buyer's remorse" over the unpaid caregiving arrangement... if payment was never discussed at the onset then this is her problem. She will need to figure out how support a house.
If the grandparents bought her the house, I'm assuming the deed is in her name right now? Hopefully the grandparents won't need Medicaid within the next 5 years or else this purchase (which looks like "gifting" to Medicaid) may delay their qualifying for it.
The Aunt should consult with a reputable financial planner to figure out where this may all go and the impact of this decision.
People with dementia cannot change wills. Aunt may WELL be "house- rich" as it is called. House-rich means you own a home but you haven't enough income to maintain it, to hire in some help, to pay taxes and bills. This happens to many seniors as they pay off their homes, age, retire and get hit with inflation.
Aunt should see an attorney to make a care contract for shared living expenses, or she should place grandmother. I doubt there's a contract here that removes the house from her if she says she can no longer give grandma care.
That is to say, basically, to get care given, I kind of think that Aunt SHOULD get most of the money. What's the REST OF THE FAMILY (including your stepson) doing to HELP? If you tell me "lots" I may feel a bit different.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
But frankly she should be compensated for her sacrifice. Or grandparents’ money shoukd go toward their care in a facility.
Moms house was left to my brother. By the time she passed there was Medicaid and tax debts. We had it placed back into the estate. I then sold it and the liens were satisfied. Moms 3 children got 3k each. I then gave my 2 girls 1k each.
Are any of the other descendants involved in the care of this couple? It also depends on the level of dementia as to whether a Will can even be revised - it'll depend on the assessment of the lawyer anyway - to make sure that the couple are of right mind.
If I were you, I'd remain out of this. This woman - dealing with the emotional, mental and physical strain of taking care of two parents with dementia is heartbreakingly difficult on every level. Perhaps you should be thinking of how to support her rather than thinking about her parent's Will. It's really not appropriate.
The Aunt is now having "buyer's remorse" over the unpaid caregiving arrangement... if payment was never discussed at the onset then this is her problem. She will need to figure out how support a house.
If the grandparents bought her the house, I'm assuming the deed is in her name right now? Hopefully the grandparents won't need Medicaid within the next 5 years or else this purchase (which looks like "gifting" to Medicaid) may delay their qualifying for it.
The Aunt should consult with a reputable financial planner to figure out where this may all go and the impact of this decision.
Aunt may WELL be "house- rich" as it is called. House-rich means you own a home but you haven't enough income to maintain it, to hire in some help, to pay taxes and bills. This happens to many seniors as they pay off their homes, age, retire and get hit with inflation.
Aunt should see an attorney to make a care contract for shared living expenses, or she should place grandmother. I doubt there's a contract here that removes the house from her if she says she can no longer give grandma care.
That is to say, basically, to get care given, I kind of think that Aunt SHOULD get most of the money. What's the REST OF THE FAMILY (including your stepson) doing to HELP? If you tell me "lots" I may feel a bit different.