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I hope it's okay to ask for product recommendations here. I am caring for a male with a Foley catheter, so urine is not a problem, but he has gotten too weak to use the toilet at all. We've had success with a type of bedpan, but the other night he got feces on his bedding while he was sleeping. He lays on top of his upper blankets, with a warm throw over him. For many reasons, changing bedding is too hard on him. We've been trying to use chucks under him, but they shift. Pinning them to the bedclothes just means they rip lose. Both he and his wife (prevented by disability from caring for him) are very sensitive to the appearance of the usual, quilted, incontinence pads. Is there something that could be safety-pinned to a white blanket that would be VERY discrete but still be easily removed when soiled? I would be so grateful for tips.

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What are the white blankets made of? If they're synthetic and therefore comparatively easy to launder, the only solution I can think of is to get lots of them, and then put disposable incontinence bed pads *under* the top blanket.

Does he wear an incontinence pad? The shaped pads with meshes seem to be the most comfortable for bed-ridden people.

I'm also wondering about the difficulty with changing his bedding - how are you going about it, please?
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Use the quilted, incontinence pads at night. Leave it off the bed during the day if he still gets up. The male and his wife will just have to get used to the sight of the quilted incontinence pads because it's what is used on the beds of incontinent people.
Put the quilted pad on the bed at night, then keep it off during the day. If he still has a bedroom, who's going to see?
Pretty much the choice is the man and his wife will either learn to live with their aversion to bed pads or sleep in a bed with bedding that is permanently stained with sh*t and stinking of it.
I'm pretty sure their aversion to that will be worse than the sight of the bed pads.
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Is he wearing a Tab type brief or a Pull up type? If not that should help.
How or why is changing bedding difficult on him?
Using a Sit To Stand or Hoyer Lift should make it easier for those that have to care for him and less stressful or painful for him.
As for pads. I found a product on the Costco website an absorbent pad, large one at that. It is called a Conni Pad it covered a good portion of the bed. While expensive there were 2 in the package so that one could be washed while the other in use. It is not quilted, is soft. And it will hold a great amount of fluid if necessary.. (if I recall it holds about 80 ounces)
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Sounds like these people are more concerned with appearances than the reality of the husband's hygiene needs. Do not pin pads - ever! That will only promote ripping and spillage. Can he not even roll himself from side to side to help with changing the pads? If he can't, then use the pads to pull him closer toward you and then turn him toward the other side of the bed to clean and change him. There is only so much one can do to maintain comfort and discretion when someone is completely dependent upon others.
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